By LSUshad - MC explanations to LO?

LSUshad

My DW has been in MC for about 6 weeks. She asks me why I haven’t brought her home yet. She wants to know when she can come home. I have told her that I was sick and having medical procedures (partially true). I have told her that the doctors have said she needs to stay a while longer (also partially true). I have told her that I was having some work done on the house (also partially true). But my explanations to her are running out. I am wondering if anyone here has any helpful responses to similar questions from your LO in MC? Thanks in advance.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry you are dealing with this. It's hard to hear.

When I was in your shoes, I chose a lane and stayed in it. We presented the MCF as "a fancy private rehab ordered by his PCP from the start. When dad wanted to know when he could come home we told him that "the doctor wants you here to get stronger and we hoped he could come home soon, too".

Given dad's personality, using someone else's medical condition would have been a no-go; he lacked both empathy and insight into a need for a personal caregiver. And he would wanted to supervise work being done in the house. Early on in his stay, he would have wondered why mom could stay while it was done but not him.

HB

LSUshad

Thank you, HB. That has pretty much been the one I have used lately. The way you put it sounds better than what I have been telling her, though.

Ed1937

We did much like HB. The doc said you are not ready to leave yet. We blamed it on a doc that did not see her in MC, but it was a doc she liked, and had respect for.

M1

LSHAD I am still dealing with these questions on a daily basis, every visit after 13 months in MC. I have enjoyed being able to visit frequently since we moved to a new facility five weeks ago---but the staff are starting to wonder if my frequent visits are not helping. What a whipsaw. I have really enjoyed being able to spend time with her---but asking to leave with me is a daily occurrence, and when I'm not there she doesn't want to come out of her room, even for meals. She won't let anyone else help her with bathing, and won't let the cleaning people come in. The NP is going to reassess her for depression today (I don't think so, i think this is just her).

We have been successful with saying that she is there for physical therapy on her back (so far, true). This won't last forever though, so I don't know how long this will work. She is becoming more confused though, and her speech more garbled--a lot of what she says to me now has no basis in reality. So I don't know, a new stage may not be far off. It's hard to see the other folks in her facility who are vastly more impaired, but I can see how it makes some things easier. No great answers.

SusanF629

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65257/by-lsushad-mc-explanations-to-lo

I recently had to tell my DH that he was going to a Rehab Facility and I felt guilty about lying to him. We didn't have the choice to put him into Memory Care due to his recently horrid behavioral and physical outbursts. He is going to a Long Term Care area (locked down) and I'm certain he will be upset about this. Eventually he is going to realize where he is. I feel horrible about this but, he doesn't want to speak to me (he is angry at the moment) and is still in the hospital. He goes tomorrow to the Long Term Care Facility. I was told NOT to tell him he is going to a Long Term Care facility as it would only upset him and then the professionals could not handle him. I guess we need to do what is best and try to detach ourselves from this. NOT EASY

LSUshad

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/174101#Comment_174101

M1, my counselor suggested I cut my visits back to twice a week. I will visit my DW again today, and we will see how that goes. I think it helped us both to reduce the visits, hoping that I can increase visitation with her in the future.

LSUshad

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/174111#Comment_174111

Susan, It is so hard. I’m sorry you are dealing with these awful choices. I hope one day his behavior patterns will improve so he can go to MC. Like you, I hate the lies. Never lied to her before. But I understand the necessity. I know you can feel very alone as you deal with this. Folks in this forum are very supportive.