Mother Acting Out After 5pm

Mujica59

My mother lives with me, my brother and his wife and kids and has Alzheimer's which has progressed rapidly. Sometimes she wakes up confused but she really gets confused every day after 5pm and starts saying that she wants to go home. We keep telling her that she is home but she says no and says she lives in Puerto Rico with my grandmother and grandfather. My grandparents have been deceased for over 8 years now but she still thinks they are alive when I tell her that they have passed away she gets very angry and starts acting out by cursing and sometimes even gets to the point that she tries to hit us with her cane. I have started lying to her telling her that my grandparents live in the city and that they know she is here with us but she keeps on saying she wants to leave. It breaks my heart that I have to lie to her and I am even afraid of being alone with her because I fear she will act out. This is becoming a daily problem and I am starting to lose my patience and getting angry. I know I shouldn't act this way but there is no reasoning with her when she gets like that.

Do anyone have any suggestions or recommendations?

Ed1937

This sounds like sundowning. It might be a good idea to talk to her doctor to see if there is a medication that might help. Welcome to the forum. We have a lot of good people here, willing to help by sharing their experiences, offering suggestions and understanding for whatever it is you're dealing with at the moment. I'm sure you will have other replies.

Mujica59

She already takes Seraquel at bedtime.

PookieBlue

My DH also has some sundowning, but late afternoons he always is able to open up his nightly bottle of wine and get a couple of beers. So I’m thinking that will be one of his last behaviors to go. However, he is confused all day long, every day. Most days we start out with the constant, redundant, circular questions. If I haven’t gotten up early enough, or if he gets up before I have had my ‘me time’ and a couple cups of coffee, I can not nicely deal with the questions and the negative tone is set for the day. Luckily, this is the exception rather than the rule. I survive by distracting and redirecting him at all times. Last weekend when we went outside to get into the car one of his shoes was sitting on the Jeep hood. How strange! I put it in the garage and headed back to the Jeep and saw half a dozen pair of mismatched shoes and slippers sitting on the hood of the BMW. He of course didn’t remember this from the evening before. During his sundowning episodes, he often starts to pack his ‘things’ to take home. It gets weirder all the time.

There is no reasoning with a PWD, so you are correct there. We all get angry and lose our patience so you are not alone. I have had to mentally and emotionally step away from what would be my typical response. Although I am still snarky at times, I know that this will trigger an outburst so I keep a lot of my remarks to myself or I just murmur them so he can’t hear. I will also leave the room and let him work his way out of the outburst. Fortunately, I have learned how to not be a trigger most of the time.

cavenson

It's a futile effort to try to bring your mother back to reality. If you tell her that her parents have passed, it's as though she is hearing it for the first time; and it's very upsetting for her. You're doing the right thing by letting her think her parents are still alive--because in her mind they are. As far as saying that she wants to go home, you can tell her that you're so glad that she's visiting you and she will go home in a few days. Hopefully, that will calm her. You're not lying to her; you are telling her what she needs to hear that will ease her anxiety.

Marta

Call the physician who prescribed the Seroquel, explain the problem (use the word sundowning) and ask to add a mid-afternoon dose of Seroquel-put the horse before the cart.