By White Crane: Tomorrow is our 56th Wedding Anniversary

White Crane

A lot can change in a year, especially with Alzheimer's. Last year he could still appreciate our anniversary and even feel sad that he couldn't get out to get me a card. This year when I tell him our anniversary is coming up he just looks at me. Then he starts asking questions such as: Do we have any children? How many? What are their names? When I tell him their names he looks puzzled. Then he says I think I have only been married once, is that right? Then I tell him that's right and I had been married before. This surprises him. By that time, I regret even bringing up our anniversary. It just confuses him and leaves me feeling sad and lonely. So tomorrow there will be no celebration. There will be cards to open. Each card will require an explanation as to who the people are who sent the card as he had forgotten all our friends and family. Even so, I will cherish each card and try to remember the good times. If the kids call, I will explain to him who is calling even though he will still be confused. At the end of the day, we will lie in bed holding hands and say "I Love You." Then I will get up on Sunday morning and start explaining the world to him all over again.

Brenda

mrahope

I'm so sorry this is happening. Special days just tend to make it worse when our LO doesn't understand why they are special.

Ed1937

Brenda, I'm sorry. What would you think about making it so he doesn't know about the cards? They will only be meaningless and confusing for him.

White Crane

Thanks, Ed, I will give that some thought.

toolbeltexpert

Brenda Happy Anniversary, yesterday was my wife's birthday she didn't remember it. By last night I was wiped out from it. I am still getting cards from friends, we only opened a couple still have 7 or 8 more to go.

Beachfan

Brenda,

Happy anniversary in spite of the circumstances. If need be, reminiscing by yourself is somewhat satisfying. Yesterday was our 55th, first without DH physically present. I took myself and my phone to the bench by the beach and watched a video tribute set to music that our daughter-in- law compiled for DH’s funeral. It’s 43 minutes of incredible memories; I watch it often before bed. (I’m thinking I will get a reputation as “that crazy lady who sits on the bench at sunset.” ) It’s okay; it’s all good. Whatever it takes. Enjoy your day and hug your DH extra tight. Lynn

JoseyWales

Dear Brenda, YOU know it's 56 years. (Congratulations!) No need to explain to your husband. Just enjoy the day and his company.

Special days like this are hard on all of us. We want to be a part of the pair that experiences it together. That time is gone for me, now I just enjoy the memories.

Lorita

Happy 56th anniversary, White Crane. I agree with Josey Wales - y ou know the significance of the day and you still have your husband - just enjoy being with him. It can still be a special day for you.

Sligo177

Dear White Crane,

Happy Anniversary, I understand what this feels like, it's hard. I hope that you will find joy in your memories of you and him. I bet there's a lot to remember!

M1

56 years is quite a milestone. Happy Anniversary, regardless.

Noemit1966

Hi Brenda! Happy Anniversary to you both. I am sad you are going through this with your DH. It is heartbreaking that they don't remember the special days that once took place in our lives. In August it will be 41 years for us and I'm sure he won't remember it. You are doing an amazing job celebrating your special day and reminding him of it. Have a blessed day with your family and continue to hold his hand so he can feel your unconditional love.

Noemi

Jeanne C.

Happy anniversary, Brenda. Sending you positivity. I know it will be a hard day, but I hope you can find some small joy in celebrating your love - the love you show him every single day.

Joydean

Happy anniversary Brenda to you and your husband. I’m sure you will still make it special because it is 55 years has lots of memories. But I know how you feel, it’s been several years since my dh remembered or even understood what I was telling him. It’s hard and sad but we still have them with us so that’s what I celebrate. Best wishes for you and hugs.