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amkiwi

Hi all! I am looking for help and support. My wife has is only 51 and has been experiencing memory issues for the last 10 years. I understand she is young but there is a significant family history of dementia. W she still has the diagnosis amnesia NOS and we are waiting for a few more tests and follow up with neurologist. It began 10 years ago forgetting to pay bills and losing track of the time of the year. She gets lost and can’t find her way around town or back from places. She shuffles stuff around the house moving things daily and then can never find things she’s looking for. In the last two years her issues have progressed she goes back in time. She calls for our dog that passes 8 years ago. I do t know what to do. Do I tell her he’s passed? Then she comes back and gets quiet and scared. I try to talk to her just not sure how to handle these things. Also at what point should she not drive? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

SDianeL

So sorry for your wife's memory loss and for what you are going through. Please get the book "The 36 Hour Day" and read it asap. It helped me so much. My husband is 78 and was diagnosed 2 years ago. They put him through a 3 hour evaluation and immediately told me to stop his driving. The person with memory loss compensates so you don't realize they have issues. Many people with dementia have visuospatial issues and can't tell distance or speed. If she is getting lost, it's time for her to stop driving. The Neuro-Psychologist is the person that needs to do a 3 hour evaluation. My DH had it done and the doctor said that once she put it in his medical record if he was in an accident and even if it wasn't his fault, we could be open to a lawsuit. I told him what she said and it convinced him to give up his keys. The only thing I noticed about his driving was that he drove very slowly & hit some curbs. He only drove within 5 miles of our home and in familiar territory so he masked it well. The doctor asked him to draw a clock and put the hands at a certain time and he couldn't do it. She said what he drew was bizarre. That made me understand why he kept saying his watch didn't work. I got him a digital clock with the day date & time and that helped. Also got him a digital watch. Don't delay. You need the diagnosis and help. You may be able to get respite care. About your dog, here's what the ALZ site says: If the person is in the early stages of dementia, it is usually a good idea to tell them about the death initially and see how they react to the news. This will give you an idea about what to do and whether to tell them again if they keep forgetting (see ‘The person’s past bereavements’ below). If they are in the later stages, they are less likely to be able to understand so it may not be appropriate to tell them at all. One thing the book "The 36 Hour Day" says to do is deflect, change the subject or distract. That's easier said than done. This forum is such a blessing. I come here to vent and to learn. Please keep us posted.

annewilder

I am not sure that a "3 hour test" is right for everyone. I would say that a first step is take her to your family doctor and explain the situation. The FP will likely refer her to a neurologist who may send her to a neuropsychologist . The decision about the length and breadth of the testing falls to the specialists.

Ed1937

If you follow up with a neurologist, please find one that has dementia patients as a large part of his/her practice. This is especially important when the patient is on the younger side. Neurologists are not all alike.

You said "She gets lost and can’t find her way around town or back from places." Does this mean that she is still driving? If so, that has to stop NOW! If she were to be involved in an accident, you, as her caregiver, could also be sued because you allow her to drive. Just one accident could wipe out any assets you both might have.

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you have a need for it, but it is a good one. Stay active here, and you will get a lot of help and understanding.

toolbeltexpert

Amkiwi first of all sorry you had to find us, you'll be glad you did. Driving should probably stop. Are you doing all the bills and checkbook? You have been on this journey for a while from your description, learn to redirect or make up a fib about the dog, you might let her describe what she thinks happened and go with that. A lot is so specific to each pwd, and a lot of behaviours are the same. Keep reading and posting

Stewart

amkiwi

Thank you all so much for your feedback. The 36 hour day just arrived. I’ll be reading it soon.