I have no idea what to say or do

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RosieDLC

I'm sorry you are going through this. My mother was diagnosed with Dementia, and my Dad struggled to live with her. All of us daughters had busy work schedules, and would visit but that wasn't enough. He would ask if we could take Mom for a week here and there, but we didn't prioritize our schedules. Long story short, my father had a stroke ( from stress I'm sure) He declined and passed 1 yr later
while in rehab. Now i am my mother's full time caregiver, and can understand what he was going thru. I hope your father realizes that he needs help, and so does your mom. His anxiety is a big sign that he needs to take care of himself too.

Teachertee

My 79 year old father, much like yours, is my 76 year old mom's (with Alzheimer's diagnosed) primary caregiver.My mom also has Type 1 diabetes with an insulin pump she is no longer able to manage independently. I live about 15 minutes away and my sister lives about 1 hour away. She is now supportive and on board with many of the suggestions I am making after me pleading with her to attend endocrinologist appointments in sort of an intervention style with me, my dad, and mom.

My dad is in denial that he needs help managing all of this. He's calling me in crisis mode constantly asking me to come over and help calm her down or resolve a problem of a lack of medical supplies...as he has continued giving her full independence with making phone calls to order what will be needed. I've suggested he sit with her or take over the ordering process and have offered to do so myself. He worries she will be humiliated or upset so he continues to give her full responsibility. He's now realizing he cannot manage all of this and does not want this to be my "summer project" (I am a teacher who just started my summer break.

It's so hard to see the denial that is happening in both of our situations, but I am here if you ever would like to talk. Keep your mom's safety (and your dad's safety) as a top priority! Just keep reminding him that her behavior is so unpredictable and you want to keep them both safe. Or maybe you can take the knives away, locked up so you are the bad guy...then he can blame it on you so her anger will be somewhat detached.

My mom was blackening their pots and pans trying to cook on their gas stove. I took the pots and pans away and said I was going to figure out how to clean them. I'm not returning them! They're actually gone and we now send over meals to be reheated in the microwave, with my dad's supervision.

Such a hard journey to navigate. I agree with the suggestion to get her evaluated with a geriatric psych so they may determine the level of care needed. Good luck! Sending hugs.

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