My mom spends hundreds on plants weekly

mariaw1919

My mom is probably at early or middle stage Alzheimer’s. . Unfortunately her only interest is plants. When we, her daughters take her out she only wants to go buy plants and flowers. She has hundreds but forgets she has them. I think she just loves the process of picking them out and buying them. We are not sure how to curb this. She does have a day program 3 days a week which helps some And I am taking a class on money management for Alzheimer’s caregivers later in the month. I am working on it but could use some advice . Thank you 🙏

MP8

Hi, mariaw. Before my mother came to live with me, she lived on her own and had a small business, which she managed well on her own for many years. Then, unknown to us, she became obsessed with going to thrift stores and buying frames for prints she was "going to sell." When we began to realize that her finances were out of control, we also realized that she was going almost daily, buying some mishmash of frames, and spending hundred of dollars each month. The frames were piled around her apartment and in a large storage unit - most still have the sales stickers on them. But mention that she might want to cut back and she would fly into a fury. (We didn't recognize these were all signs of dementia. Just thought she was getting ornery in her old age.)

When she moved in with me, I stopped taking her to thrift stores and garage sales, although she did occasionally pick some up at Walmart or another store.

I'm assuming that your mother is no longer driving, since you mentioned that you and your sisters take her out. If she is finding plants at the grocery store, could you do her shopping so she doesn't have to see them for sale? If there's a botanical garden or some other public place with flowers, maybe you could go there so she can enjoy their beauty without buying them.

One thing I've found is that as my mother's Alzheimer's has progressed, she has become much less interested in going shopping, so that's been helpful here. Of course, that might take a while for your mother, so finding a different workaround would be helpful.

M1

My partner's obsession was animal charities, and one year before i intervened, she probably gave away $30,000 (easily 2000-3000 per month in checks and on credit cards). I had to start hiding the mail and turned the ringers off on all the phones, despite unsubscribing from everything I could unsubscribe to and confiscating the cards as I could. Yours is a bit harder because it's going to mean not taking her to places you've previously taken her. Don't suppose there's a way to legitimately say that they've closed or gone out of business?

But it does make me wonder about how she's paying for these--could you take her cards away? Confiscate a checkbook? Put a limit on them? Maybe if her purchases were declined, it could be a way to start.

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harshedbuzz

Sometimes the simplest and most effective approach to this kind of fixation is to remove the trigger.

If you are unable to redirect to lunch, dinner at your house, a hair appointment or pedi, it's best to entertain her at home.

mariaw1919

Thank you for the advice. I will try to distract her with other activities that don’t involve plants. She has an extensive garden we can work on too, which can satisfy her need to get plants. We just have to get creative with her.

BassetHoundAnn

Here's an idea. You can still take her shopping for plants, which she obviously loves. But after she picks out the plants say 'Hey, mom, let me check these out. I have a stack of coupons and it will take a while.' Then return the selected plants to their spot in the store or nursery. Take your mom back to the car and tell her 'The plants are already in the car.' By the time you get her home she may not remember that she bought plants.