I am feeling like the caged bird today

Denise1847

I have much to be grateful for but today but I am longing for the ability to do what I want to do without upsetting my husband, to be with my girlfriends to just not have to take care of anyone. I am sharing this famous poem for all of those for whom it resonates. I know this feeling will pass but today it is a struggle.

Caged Bird

BY MAYA ANGELOU

A free bird leaps

on the back of the wind   

and floats downstream   

till the current ends

and dips his wing

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and   

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn

and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams   

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream   

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied   

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

Ed1937

Denise, I

m sorry you're having one of those days. The poem says it all very well. Thanks!

krissanne2011

Love your analogy of a caged bird, it and the poem is really resonating with me today. You are not alone. Thanks for the poem. I am keeping it for another day like today.
-kris

KathyF1

I feel the same way Denise. Not hubby’s fault of course but oh how I miss my freedom. My friends talk of trips they take. Getting together with other friends. Normal life. It’s hard not to feel cheated. I miss my friends. I miss my hobbies, my dreams. It feels like it’s all gone.

Nowhere

I read the poem and my feelings flip flop to my husband in memory care. After 2.5 years in a facility he still laments his loss of freedom. And he is lucky (lucky?) to go on afternoon country scenic drives M-F in his facility’s bus. When he was home, I felt trapped, now I am free, and he is not, and my heart remains sad. Alzheimer’s is a thief of happiness and a master of loss.

lkalb123

This is my first comment here although I have been reading other comments and feeling much support. This is my issue, the loss of freedom. I comfort myself that we had 5 years of great adventure before he got too sick. You are right gratitude is important during sad times.

gampiano

This is also my number one issue, the loss of freedom. And with that, goes the inability to go on short adventures with my daughter and her girls. Every year we would share a getaway, or a concert event, and now, i cant even plan a lunch and a shopping day with them. The burdens of caregiving, while numerous and exhausting , would be much more tolerable if i felt more free. My husband is disappearing, but i feel that I am too.

toolbeltexpert

Denise I totally get the poem. Just from my point, having placed you might think I am free to dip my wings in the wind but the window is only briefly open. Dementia life continues with new trials shutting the hope that I'll be free to feel the wind under my wings. The other day I just drove. I went to an Amish community and there is a road called summit drive that I always wanted to walk up to with dw,I feared it would have been too hard a walk up for dw, they had a sign, no vehicles allowed, they have taken it down now so I drove up and about half way up the sign appeared so I got out and started walking,several times I almost turned around thinking it was to far. When I finally got to the summit I was rewarded with a most excellent 360°view. I stood in awe of Gods creation and just praised Him out loud. It refreshed my soul. That feeling left after getting down wishing I had taken dw up it was only 3/4 of a mile and not to rugged. Yesterday my wings were clipped when I got to the mc and found that dw had slapped a cna, causing a review of her meds and tweaked her pain med timing. Out of the cage but the window keeps closing not free to ride the wind, it sure was good to fly if only for a moment. I will visit summit rd again soon.

The last picture is a panoramic picture the fire ring on the left and the bench on the right are actually right next to each other.there was no obstructions in the views for 50 miles. Thanks for the poem.

Stewart

ghphotog

Yes, yes and yes! A hundred times over! I'm so tired of living in this demented world and find myself trying to imagine what it will be like when it's over. To be able to go and do whatever I want, when I want without trying to find a babysitter or deal with daycare. Daycare is better than nothing but it's not enough. To have normal conversations with people. To go somewhere and enjoy it without the constant anxiety that my DW will go off the rails or have an "accident" in public or always having to escort her to the "potty". To drink my coffee in the morning in peace without crying, screaming, yelling or the never ending questions, "When do we have to be there?" Be where? "What time do we have to be there?", whenever we get there. "I wanna go home, please take me home!! over and over and over and. . . To go somewhere and be able to drive home without drama that I'm going the "wrong" way, "turn around!!!" "that's not where my home is!!!" etc and etc.

Without having my mother call me day in and day out to get her out of there. She's in MC and hates it. Just once I'd like to take her to our home to spend time with her dog without a fight and drama when it's time to take her back. . . etc. etc. etc. . . I guess you can tell how I'm feeling this morning. :)

Hoping I make until then. Raising my glass, here's to the future! Cheers!

annie51

This is exactly how I feel these days and I know it will only get worse. I recently gave up my volunteering job because DH does not have much to do when I'm not here. I would set him up with a movie and if I didn't come home before the movie was over, he would forget where I was or when I was returning, sometimes being very angry when I got home. Having just recently begun reading these discussions, I realize how common these feelings are and that I'm not just being selfish. I feel like everything I do is geared towards making DH happy or not upsetting him. So difficult sometimes! But I'm trying to remember "one day at a time" and finding joy or humor wherever possible.

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