When do I stop bringing DH along …

JC5

I so enjoy when im asked to take care of my grandchildren! Love being with them, love knowing I can help my kids I want to be there whenever they need me! Lately I’ve been feeling badly leaving DH home when I watch the grands, but when I ask him to join me he is inappropriate in his comments to the kids, often and repeatedly telling the 3 yr old he talks like a baby and saying to the 5 and 8 yr old he’s going to feed them to the wolves! They now don’t want him around. Can’t say that I blame them and of course when I try to tell DH that he is upsetting them he gets angry and “wants to go home”. At this point I feel my grandchildren’s feelings are more important than occupying DH time. They are too young to understand and he is incapable of reason! I hate this and feel so sad they don’t want him around!

M1

Plus there will come a time when it isn't safe to leave him by himself, and then you'll really be torn. One of few upsides to having my partner in MC is more freedom to help my daughter with her little ones...though I'm now battling my third respiratory infection this year, thanks to them. Which then makes visiting MC very problematic....

harshedbuzz

I feel like you are going to have to find a balance.

On one hand, those littles are your personal oxygen mask, so it's important you get to see them as often as you need to. But on the other hand, your husband's behavior suggests that perhaps he doesn't enjoy competing for your attention. PWD don't always like little kids, especially if they would prefer to be in their own routine/surroundings with their caregiver 1:1 focused on them.

There was one member here a while back who looked after her preschool granddaughter and mom with dementia who struggled with mom's unkindness to the girl. She eventually had to change her tactics when mom sprayed the child with what she thought was Raid.

There will come a time when your DH can't be left alone at all. Before that happens, you may find it's best if you are home in the early evening "sundowning" hours. I would make sure your "kids" understand that your ability to step in will be limited soon so that they can make alternate plans. Five years ago, a HHA for my dad was over $30/hour (weekdays, nights and weekends cost extra); at some point it may not make sense for you to hire someone to keep your husband safe so you can help your adult children. In fact, you may need their help as sitters for their dad so you can get a break or take care of appointments.

HB