My dm and dd are pushing me .

suedavis3

We moved my parents in with us two yrs now, my dad just has a bit of regular memory problems, but completely took care of mom alone, did everything, cleaning, laundry all of it . She was getting to much for him alone because she would fall sometimes and hes85 and it's to hard on him so they wanted to live with us so Incase she fell and he'd need help. I help him with most of her care, about the thing that's really getting me down is he's became totally lazy! Makes a mess right after he sees I've cleaned, like the kitchen or bathroom, they have our master bed and own bathroom. I truly feel iam being taken advantage of by him and my husband , who said we should allow them to live here and he'd be my partner with the extra work. Well iam the only one doing it all! I have some health problems mostly a bad body, my husband has heart issues but is doing great. I've told my husband how I feel a few times and I know my dad can tell when I've had enough cleaning up after him but I don't want to hurt him and make him feel bad so how can I go about it and get it threw their heads? IAM at a loss, my home is crowded and I like a clean house , just need to be respected help I need advice. I promised them yrs ago I'd never put them anywhere because I don't trust care homes. They were in assisted living for a yr and she was way to depressed so I had them buy a small home till she got so 😞 sorry this is so long oh and she gets not so nice to me and my dad . I have no siblings to help

BassetHoundAnn

Hi, Sue. Is your dad's tendency to make messes something new? You said he's been living with you for two years. I take it he was neat and respectful before the recent mess binges? Do you think this could be a sign of cognitive decline? My mom was obsessively neat all her life--until she reached a certain point in dementia when she could no longer clean up after herself. And it didn't register with her that I was continually cleaning up after her. It sounds like your dad no longer recognizes or remembers the fact that you just cleaned up?

Maybe a solution is to hire someone for one morning a week to help you clean up so you don't feel like you're doing everything yourself?

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mommyandme (m&m)

Ditto on getting help in to help you. Their age alone means they probably need help with even some little things. Add dementia to it and, well…there you go. You must get out and get away. The resentment is going to take a toll on your health even more. Hire in a cleaner and someone just for respite for you, even more than once a week. Let your parents funds continue to help with their care and in turn you’ll receive a needed break from it all. Maybe an adult day care center would be a good option too.

im so very sorry for the struggles this difficult journey comes with.

suedavis3

Thank you all for your comments , my df use to stay busy and clean , laundry all of it . I know once they came here I think he was just wore out from taking care of her and the house,,, so I know he needed a break so I did it all . I actually did tell him it was time for him to take care of their bedroom and bathroom. That it will help me out a lot ! He said ok but when I asked him to wipe off the kitchen counter and put his pan in the sink he got a attitude lol but got over it. I think he does forget about it. But can see it when he makes lunch for them . I was having a bad day that day ! Dm has dementia bad but will say how she hates it when her words come out wrong . I hurt so bad for her on that. And I've decided to just try harder and just go along with her when she's talking crazy and seeing things. I have good days and bad. I try to be outside as much as possible because he can take care of her if he's not on Google! Lol my husband and I love to fish and have now been going more as our daughter is only 5 mins away from us and I check on them alot but it's really helping me just getting out and being me doing what I love to do while IAM still able to be in the boat 😁 I have control of all their money, and health. As for bringing someone in to help me once in awhile I think it would hurt them and they'd feel bad that they've taken over our life's as they feel bad enough having to move in with us. Dad is depressed and won't get help. I can't force him just giving him more to do in the house a bit can help him move off his chair . It feels so good to be in this awesome group!! Hug's to everyone ❤️

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suedavis3

My mom is the bad one my dad can take care of her . He only wanted to move with us Incase she falls so he can have help getting her up but we've told him if she falls he has to call 911. Our town is small so help is here and our daughter calls and stops by a lot if we're gone. I can't afford to pay someone to clean for me, I like cleaning myself. So that won't work but thank you for all your suggestions!!! They are helpful 😊

suedavis3

I help him and am mostly the one to take care of her needs when iam home unless iam doing housework . I make sure both of their meds are given before I go anywhere. I've also tried getting him to take something natural for his memory and for depression but he refused.