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ButterflyWings

Dear Forum Mates,

I have been away (abruptly) for a few months and thought about you all EVERY DAY, several times a day. You have truly been missed. We (DH and me) are as well as can be expected, but had some serious stuff thrown our way and I just couldn't keep up with also reading and posting. I saw a note from toolbeltexpert somehow, in my emails the last few days and was so touched to know some have been thinking about me and us, and I will tell you...your thoughts and prayers have surely helped keep us afloat even though I was awol. I'm sorry to worry anyone. Couldn't help it.

We are still not out of the woods completely yet, but my spirits are high (as high as they can be at least, when we all are knee deep in this nightmare called dementia, right?) The short version is, at 6E... (my beloved has been on this plateau with minor ups and downs for a long time!!!) and now with one toe in stage 7 (blue glove moments pop up unexpectedly and more frequently now, yuck) ... well you would think I had enough to deal with, right? But no, my absentee steps and in-laws recently decided it was time to take the reins and launched guardianship litigation now that I have pulled us back from the financial ruin that Alz brought. So apparently they are seeing some imaginary dollar signs or just feel that whatever (marital!) assets I have been able to retrieve and preserve, are supposed to be theirs. Some sort of advance inheritance, I guess. smh. Can I say, 100% low-life and much, much worse?!

Yep. Never lifted a finger. Not once did they offer any help, not a bag of groceries, or package of incontinence briefs. God forbid spend an hour with him so maybe I could do the yardwork or even "nothing" for a moment...? Just when you think some people could not stoop any lower, they do. So -- my time, energy, little bit of extra money I can scrape up working remotely while 24/7 caregiving...it has been redirected a lot due to this new and really unbelievable drama from people who acted like we didn't even exist for the last several years. From sheer exhaustion and overload (we all know), it has been all I could do to just keep doing for my guy and me. The silver lining is I'm so disgusted and irritated with these sick people that I can't be depressed or scared about it. Just extremely P.O.'d and determined not to lose my husband and my home to liars and cheats. Can you imagine??!!!

So, I had to pull back from this special space for a bit, as I get immersed here when I check in. You understand. This forum saved my life (and most likely his...since everything I know about caregiving was learned right here on these boards). So, I just wanted to check in and provide this update for now. We are hanging in there. DH is still blissfully unaware due to anosognosia and that is a blessing. I love you all and appreciate you SO much. Really missed you and please don't worry that I will not be able to chime in much until this court crap is over. Also because it seemed some spying or "following me" was possibly going on here in this space, I can't share freely as we should be able to do... and as I always had done when I did not know the snakes I was dealing with in his family. So, that's the deal. Everyone, please keep your spirits up. No matter what. You can take care of yourself a little each day (we HAVE to!) And know that what you are doing for your PWD LO is so very special. For whatever time that you feel able to do it. Just keep breathing. I'll be thinking of you even when you don't hear from me. Hoping to have good news to share with you soon though.

(I will share the same post in General Caregiver's Forum - I think that's the new name I saw).

Jgirl57

So sorry this a difficult family time on top of caregiving. I was happy to see your post . Hugs to you

M1

Omg i was worried you had died, literally. I knew it must have been something catastrophic and am SO glaad to hear from you. Will have to read again....welcome back!!!!

Denise1847

I will be praying for your success in this situation. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Alz is hard enough without greedy people trying to hurt you.

Joydean

So good to hear from you!! You have truly been missed. Sorry you have had to go through all that crap while taking care of your dh. Prayers for you, and your guy. Stay strong!

White Crane

I was just thinking about you yesterday. Wondering about you. So glad you posted! I’m so sorry this is happening to you and to your husband. My prayers will be with you.

Ed1937

WOW! What a great thread to see this morning!! It's so good to hear from you. Nobody knew what happened, and our fears were for the worst after I sent you a PM on the old forum, and didn't hear anything back. But it's all good now.

I'm sorry you are still fighting that battle, but it sounds like it might be over with before long, and I wish you the best outcome from this. Hopefully the judge can see what's been happening. Please check back in whenever you can.

ButterflyWings

Thank you all for your thoughtfulness and caring messages. I surely missed you! Definitely appreciate the prayers and well-wishes. Sending good thoughts your way as well. Have a peaceful weekend and week ahead! I will keep you posted.❤️

Jo C.

Butterfly, it is really good to "see" you again. I kept wondering what had happened and figured something was keeping you busier, but had no idea that it was the dreadful dynamics you have been facing. I am truly so very sorry.

May this soon come to an end with you and your DH being the ones coming out on top. Do keep us in the loop, we will surely be thinking of you.

Warmest of thoughts being sent your way,

J.

Dio

Butterflywings, so good to see you're back! So sorry about what you're going through. All I can say is, "To Each His/Her Own" and "What goes around comes around." We live among all types of people. Some worse than others. The evil ones will get there comeuppance in time. Stay well. Stay resolute. Stay strong.

Palmetto Peg

I am so glad to see your post. Although I am fairly new to this forum, I always looked forward to the compassion and intelligence you showed in all of your posts. There was another woman in a similar situation who lost her battle with the step children and lost guardianship of her husband. I can't remember her name, but I certainly wish you a better outcome! What is wrong with people? Is money all there is? I can't imagine a judge wouldn't understand the love and care you have put into taking care of your DH, and send those money grubbers packing with their greedy tails between their legs! Good luck and keep posting!

Battlebuddy

I am so glad your back Butterfly Wings. You poor thing. You had enough on your plate and now you have to deal with legal trouble too? That’s just too much.

I’m going to be praying you win this case. So many crazy twists and turns to this journey we are on. It sure isn’t for the weak of heart.

forbarbara

I am brand new to this group and you were the first person to welcome me - that tells me so much about your caring and compassion!

I went through a similar experience earlier in the progression of my MIL’s disease with some of her stepchildren. There was an incident in the ER where hospital security had to intervene on my behalf. I was also investigated by social services after someone filed a complaint against me, claimed I was trying to kill my MIL through medications. of course now that I’ve “won” and she’s in MCF they have not visited her at all.

im sorry you have to deal with such selfish and evil people. There really are no excuses for their behavior. I’m still at the beginning of this journey and can only say don’t let them drive you to second-guessing yourself. It’s a waste of energy. You don’t need this battle but I guess it’s just another thing we don’t get to choose. Stay strong.

Beachfan

I am also happy to see your return. There were many forum members worried about you and wondering if all was okay. (Even those of us who didn’t post concern- - me- - but still I followed their concerns). I am sorry as well to read of the convoluted situation in which you find yourself with your step family. I had none of that and still found caregiving to be an awesome burden ; I hope and pray that you and DH come out the other side unscathed. Stay strong; many care about you and await a good outcome!