Elder orphans

ghphotog

Just curious if anyone else will be or is an elder orphan after this is over. I'm in my early sixties, no children of my own. Still young enough to enjoy life when this ordeal is said and done but wonder quite often what could happen to me someday if I need help and I'm still alone as I get older. I do have a brother and some cousins but can't count on them to look after me. They will all need looking after themselves anyway by then. I have several friends, some female, that are my age, never married and no children to support them either. Maybe we can form our own support system and look after each other.

toolbeltexpert

Brother we are in the same boat. Family a thousand miles away, I have some really close friends from church. I trust one with a key to my new house, he has the code to my safe, my sil is second on the dpoa but I am beginning to wonder if she is gonna down down the same path as her sister? I made my friend from church the first contact, so if I don't show up at the mc they could call him because he could open my house to see if I am ok.

Other than that yep I am an old orphan, I have all my passwords in my safe and left instructions that if I pass to post on here the message I have written.

M1

I'm not an orphan, but other than my adult kids have few other supports (my partner was my main one for the past 30 years, and I'm an introvert so didn't feel a need for much beyond that). Really, really don't want to burden my kids so I to wonder about how to proceed. Don't think I'll ever want another partner when this is over. I have long-term care insurance, but that only goes so far. i do want to make plans as much as possible so as not to put it on anyone else. Am still cogitating about how to implement that. Maybe move to a CCRC at some point? I think I will dislike a group setting almost as much as my partner does, but not quite. Can probably stomach it because I have to. We'll see, TBD.

ghphotog

Yeah, I seriously doubt I would ever marry again but I've learned a long time ago to never say never. I do have good friends I trust very much but they are already 10+ years ahead of me in life.

We never know what tomorrow will bring and I've also learned that life can change on a dime. Probably put myself in some sort of assisted living someday just so I don't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, yardwork etc. Wish I could afford the Villa Capri! 😁

A. Marie

Yep, ghphotog, I'm in your boat. No kids, and no relatives within 1K miles (all of which is how I wanted it). I do love my surviving family members--but as my sainted mother said when both her half-sister and her favorite cousin invited her to move in, "I'd rather be pecked to death by baby ducks than live with either of them!"

I do have one younger friend (my DH's last and best employee) whom I've tapped for end-of-life duties when I've passed on. Bless him, he's good with that--as I just reconfirmed this week. And I plan to give him instructions ASAP on where to find my passwords and so on.

Finally, I'm all for forming a local support group. My friendly cul-de-sac has at least three other widows on it. We refer to this street as a NORC (a naturally occurring retirement community).

gampiano

This may seem a bit "far out", and certainly not for everyone, but i recently read an article about young single moms and their kids moving in together and sharing chores, bills, and child care with each other.

They in essence have built their own support system, and they werent all friends when they made the arrangement. It would be more difficult with older people, as we are set in our ways, but its something to consider, especially if you already have a church based community. Just thinking outside the box.

gampiano

GothicGremlin

When my dad passed away (my mom had passed earlier), I regarded myself as an orphan even though I was well into my 50s. When are you considered too old to be an orphan? I guess it's not just me who thinks things like this.

My s.o. and I don't have kids (by choice), so we've wondered what will become of us when we're older. The best thought we've come up with so far is to create our own retirement community made up of like-minded friends and friends of friends. It looks like a lot of work, but in the end who better to spend our elder years than with others who are in a similar situation and who have similar likes/dislikes, etc.

I was looking for a couple of links to share and I found this one - How to Build Your Own Retirement Community (11+ Steps of Planning a Senior Living Community

Iris L.

I had been looking forward to joining a CCRC until Covid came. Many older adults were unknowingly put at risk when Covid-positive residents were returned to their facilities so they could infect their fellow frail adults. I thought to myself, "I'll take my chances in my own home."

I have been posting about my 91 year old widowed neighbor in this situation. She was active until three years ago when she fell. She has been basically housebound ever since. Shdoes s not have dementia. She has a close friend who helps her with medical appointments and her finances. She has a lady come by every day to prepare dinner and to clean. I help with her medications. She has a Life Alert button for falls, which she has used several times. She has made arrangements for her body, no funeral. She is determined to die in her home. She has things planned out.

In fact, I am trying to plan my later life after hers. She has the degree of decision-making that she wants for herself. The difference is, she has people that she knows and trusts for her contact with the outside world. I don't have anyone like that. I will have to rely on strangers. This is a huge dilemma for me.

Iris

toolbeltexpert

Just wanta say I like how this thread morphed into something else. Ideas and strategies about what does it look like ahead for the largest group of OLD PEOPLE to do life, we have a special group of issues because of dementia. We all want to belong to a tribe like us don't we. Safety in numbers, you got my back and I've got yours till one is no more!

ghphotog

After we get to a certain age we become keenly aware of our own mortality. I don't think I have to worry about somebody placing me in MC someday unless I do it myself or give control to someone who is not a family member. I have nieces but it seems they've been trained that elder family members aren't worth the bother and inconvenience so I'm sure I'm on my own. Doubt they would want to take care of their 'ol uncle anyway. I never want to put anyone through this so I'll climb that mountain when I get there I guess. Quien sabe?

I've also learned in life that many times we never see it coming.

M1

One of my more idealistic and impractical friends talks all the time about starting her own retirement community with friends. I suspect it's harder than it sounds though, and that the stresses of it could threaten or destroy the friendships over time. Call me a cynic, but i think id prefer the kindness of strangers and the formality of legal contracts. And if affordable, no need to reinvent the wheel if there are models out there that work.