Question about my wife not knowing who I am

ghphotog

Wondering if the next phase my DW completely forgets me

She has forgotten our marriage for a while now but more and more she will look right at me and ask where Howard is, even when I'm sitting right next to her on the couch holding her hand. I'll say I'm right here and she will say I'm not him.

Wondering how soon she completely forgets me.

M1

This is so painful gh, and it is ongoing here too. My partner doesn't seem to know my name any more and remembers few details of our life together. And yet will continue to tell me that she's never loved anyone like she loves me.

toolbeltexpert

Ghphotog my wife started that about a year and a half or so ago.she has done exactly the same thing, I was walking her and holding her hand and asked where is stewart.

I have been sitting directly across from her and same thing. Wish I new the answer. I think another year maybe? But time will tell. Just the other day she used my proper name which blew me away.

gampiano

Hello,

My experience has been similar, but very mercurial. Last summer DH asked me if i was his mother, then it went to " i want to marry you"' . Now it varies from day to day or week to week. All i can say is that there is some recognition, and familiarity on his part. Im sure he doesn't know my name, but once in awhile he calls me "hon". At least he still thinks of me as "friendly". It would be really difficult to endure hostility on a daily basis, but I know that this is possible. And a scary thing to contemplate...

PookieBlue

First thing thing this morning DH asked “Where’s Valerie? Then four more times in the kitchen. This behavior going on for several months now. Today, he doesn’t answer when I respond “Who am I? He chuckles and says “I’m confused today”. Now he just told me he thought I was his mom. (One of my many hats).

Walter0617

My DW is 6 years into EOAD and is now 69. We have been married 44 years. She often doesn't know me, sometimes thinks I'm her father and sometimes knows I'm her husband but has no memory of anything at all about our marriage. Lately, mostly in the evening, she asks me where I'm going for the evening. I reply that I will be staying here. She proceeds to tell me I have to get out, that I've been beating her and abusing her and that she doesn't want me in the house. She packs a few things and tries to head out the door to start walking down the street to get away from me. I had her checked for a UTI and it came back negative. I've had to call our adult sons to come to our house and try to help calm her down. Sometimes they stay overnight. Her doctor recently prescribed Seroquel and it has helped a little, but doesn't stop this nightly routine. I'm not sure what to do next. I'm hoping this is a phase that will pass. If it doesn't, I'm considering MC as a last resort. I usually go along with her delusions (there are many), but I am not going to go along with this delusion. It is exhausting for me and must be awful for her to be living this delusion.

Howaboutnow

Similar here, but we can’t know how long, with any of this. DH knows I’m his person but will often ask “where is xxxx?” Or “Did xxxx get back?” This has been developing frequency for over a year. There doesn’t seem to be any memory of our history together, being married, etc. In fact DH sometimes says “how did you know to come here?” as if he’s been lost and it would be hard to find him when we are in fact in our own home. DH says lots of partial sentences that express he doesn’t think i live here or that we should be “getting on up to the place”…he doesn’t think we are home. This happens most often during late day,,,Sundowner’s i suppose.

Delusions used to brew late in day only…but they are pretty much present all day. “Good morning. That guy is here too”,,,actually his reflection in the mirror or glass in a frame or glass storm door.

I wish we could predict things…anything,,,about all our journeys. Only thing i know, is we will survive it. We will take different paths and experience different challenges and timelines. We’ll have plenty of moments, hours, days, weeks, months when we think we can’t,,,,but we do. Anyone here in Stage 8? Do you collapse when it concludes? Or do you have energy for the new light that may be shining on you?

Davegrant

In a similar vein about a week ago my DW came into the living room and said in a loud clear voice, "Where's MOM, where did she go? " My DW is 86 years old and spent her first three years in an orphanage. So, I had no idea what she meant, her birth mother or her adoptive mother. I asked her but she didn't respond but the event left me shaken. Her voice was that of a much younger woman.

Dave

ghphotog

Yep, still going on daily.

"Where's Howard?", "I'm right here hon!", "You're not Howard!" "If I'm not Howard then whose hand are you holding?" "So you'll hold anyone hands sitting next to you then?", I say playfully.

Ed1937

"Anyone here in Stage 8? Do you collapse when it concludes?" Stage 8 for almost 15 months now. I didn't collapse, but I had no interest in anything. Still having a hard time with that.

Beachfan

@Howaboutnow ,

I am just shy of 5 months into stage 8. I had DH at home for 11+ years prior to placement. He passed after 17 months in a MCF. In his final years, he didn’t recognize me, family members, or friends. He stopped looking for me, and asking, “Where is she?” He would go anywhere with anyone who would take his hand. Although it broke my heart to lose him day by day over many years, I was somewhat prepared for his passing and so the end was inevitable, peaceful, and comforting. The finality of losing DH is hard; I can no longer see him, touch him, feed him, or just sit quietly with him, holding his hand. I am finally beginning to remember him, vividly, when he was “whole” and those memories knock me for a loop sometimes. I find myself in tears lamenting what we had, what we missed with Alz., and what we can no longer look forward to.

You are so right; there are different paths, timelines and challenges. But there is light at the end, hopefully, and no regrets. Stay strong.

Ed1937

"The finality of losing DH is hard; I can no longer see him, touch him, feed him, or just sit quietly with him, holding his hand. I am finally beginning to remember him, vividly, when he was “whole” and those memories knock me for a loop sometimes. I find myself in tears lamenting what we had, what we missed with Alz., and what we can no longer look forward to." Well said. I think most people in stage 8 would have the same thoughts. Our kids and I are finally to the point where we can laugh at some of the things that happened before dementia came around. But the sad dementia times also show up every so often. I think it will always be that way.

Howaboutnow

Ed1937 and Beachfan-

You are both survivors. I admire your strength and hope laughter and joy come with greater ease every day.

I suspect gaining interest in life may come slow in Stage 8,,just as the mounting losses did in every Stage before, making everything seem more tragic because it’s all happening in slow motion. Being a spouse of dementia feels like running a marathon i never trained for. Right now i think only God believes I’ll finish, i have my doubts.