In early phases, when to inform financial advisors/banks?

storycrafter

My dh has slow progression of bvFTD, diagnosed by the neuropsych in 2015. (In the followup with a neurologist he agreed dh has some sort of dementia, but didn't want to name it. It leaves a question in my mind. The neuropsych was very sure about the FTD; also said dh has high cognitive reserve.)

My husband has continued to be good with math and so far hasn't made serious mistakes in handling our investments. What is your experience, and what are your thoughts, about the timing of when to notify financial advisors regarding a spouse's cognitive handicap?

If you are early in the disease process, at what point have you let advisors know your LO could have some issues of judgement in the future? We don't communicate with the financial group often, and I have left most of that up to my husband since it has been his forte in the past. I do not know the manager well and we've only met together with him/them as a couple in online video calls.

Also, are there any circumstances to be aware of that I would jeopardize in the future by telling them too soon? I have this fear that once I notify them, perhaps it will limit things in unexpected ways. (For example, years ago my dh could not get the same long-term care policy as I could because the organization knew of his MCI diagnosis at the time. I don't want to inadvertently close doors.)

I feel such internal conflict about making a cold call to bring it up privately with our investment manager. It's very difficult for me to broach/initiate the topic. But I'm also thinking perhaps I should be pre-emptive about it. The thought of making the actual phone call feels very daunting. Since things are going okay it seems I could leave things as they are a little longer. But maybe this is my blind spot and I need a reality check?

Thank you for any feedback from your experience.

M1

Absolutely, I would be preemptive about it. Things are going okay until they aren't. There are too many stories here and elsewhere about people who lose large amounts of money due to dementia. I would call the investment advisor today and ask his/her advice--you may need a separate POA for certain financial institutions, Schwab for example would not accept my general POA and I had to sign their own papers. Fortunately i knew the manager pretty well, and he was not surprised by this, had picked up that there were issues in his own dealings with my partner (she would call him intermittently wanting to transfer all of her assets to gold). He had a way of internally flagging her account such that she could not make trades or transactions without checking with him or me first).

Ditto with her bank accounts, fortunately I was already a signatory. That has helped in many circumstances, including not needing to be named representative payee on her social security. The most significant thing I had to do regarding the bank accounts was tear up checks when she would write exorbitant checks to animal charities. She would write them, but she was unable to track them, either with a register or a bank statement, and thus never was aware of how much money she was giving away or of the fact that they were never getting cashed.

If you do not yet have POA for your DH, it's not too soon to pursue it. You should talk to a certified elder law attorney. And of course, this means that your own papers need to be redone--he should not be named as your POA or executor on your will. but those steps can be done without his knowledge. Sometimes people have been successful getting this done by talking to the lawyer ahead of time and then telling the PWD that all of your papers need to be updated. A good attorney will be adept at this, having dealt with it in other circumstances.

Ed1937

Although I never had to deal with this, I fully agree with M1. You don't want to be blindsided when you find out that your accounts have been closed.

My wife paid all of the bills, but when she went to buy flowers, and couldn't write the check for them, she allowed the owner of the place to write the check, then she signed it. Luckily we knew the owner from years of buying from them, so it wasn't a problem.

Another thing you will need to think about is phone calls. I caught my wife giving personal information on the phone to someone she didn't know. Luckily I caught her when she started to give her birth date, and I nipped it in the bud. So phone calls and mail are another issue you will have to tackle. Scams are at an all time high now.

Years ago, I partnered with one of our sons in a home remodeling business. When we finished with one job, I gave the woman of the house the bill. She brought me cash, and she gave me $500.00 more than what she owed. I gave that back to her, then called her son. She was suffering from early stage dementia. So you can't be too careful.

RickM

Some financial institutions have required a “Letter of Incapacity” from a physician. Probably good to have that on hand also. Just like driving, you want to get ahead of this.