Aftermath

Buggsroo

´I have been tottering along slowly getting used to being alone save for my two lovely cats. My orange Maine Coon follows me and lies on me, shrieking if he doesn’t know where I am.

I feel exuberant, deeply sad and lonely all in a minute. My husband as far as I know is still being stabilized in the hospital.

The house smells so much better, I have done extensive cleaning with my buddy Clorox.

One thing I notice is how tired I am. I drop off to sleep really quickly and sleep a good nine hours a night. I didn’t realize how tired and burned out I really was, I get tired quickly and now I believe I am coming down with something, my body aches, my head is stuffed up and my throat hurts a bit. I realize that my body was in crisis mode and kept me going.

Mentally, I go through a myriad emotional trip daily. I am remembering the happy times with my husband, tears come, everything is so close to the surface, my skin a thin membrane between grief and enjoying the summer. Tomorrow is summer solstice and I love the solstices. Thank you for allowing me to express my musings.

M1

Glad to hear from you. So--you haven't had updates from the hospital? That surprises me a bit. Yes it takes a lot, lot, lot of getting used to--if one ever does. Love Maine Coons, our two prettiest cats were MC's.

Jgirl57

I am glad you are giving in to the sleep and if you are getting sick , rest and fluids will be important. I think your body is indeed telling you how burned out you were.

Ed1937

I'm glad you're checking back in, Buggs. Is your Maine Coon one of those 15 - 20 pounders?

My emotions vary considerably after a year of my wife being gone, so I think what you feel is normal.

And I think it is normal to feel worn out all the time too. Dementia just takes until it can't take any more.

I hope you're not coming down with an illness. That's something you don't need.

Jo C.

Hello Dear Buggs, I have been thinking of you and wondering how things were going. I am very sorry for the heart felt tears and also very sorry that you are not feeling well.

The steep drop into full on exhaustion is understandable; It is like the very last atlas cell that was holding things up with the greatest of effort for so long, finally went - POOF!

I am so glad you are continuing here with us, your friends, who "get it." No more needing to be "on guard" every single day. May you permit yourself to give in to rest, sleep, eating what you want and nurturing yourself as you recoup your energy both physically and psychologically.

A Maine Coon! Big cat who is also sensing the changes in the house. Does he miss the eau deau cologne of Mr. Clorox? By now, I think they need to pay you to put your photo on their containers. You have done well, you have gone the distance and then some until it was beyond time for additional much needed higher level of care.

Let us know how you are and how things are going; we will of course be thinking of you and sending you warmest of thoughts and our best wishes for the sun and soft breezes to softly find you and open new horizons within your Spirit. Happy Summer Solstice wishes are being sent your way:

.

Battlebuddy

“ my skin a thin membrane between grief and enjoying the summer. “

I love the way you put this. That is exactly what my Summer looks like too.

I hope you do not get sick. Keep sleeping as much as you need! What a good break you’re having. It must be weird to not know what is going to happen with your husband. But enjoy the break as much as you can

Denise1847

Please take care of yourself. I came down with the flu a couple of months ago. The symptoms were similar to yours. Check your temperature. They gave me Tamiflu but it still took 10 days to get over it. I had the flu shot to! Feel better and rest.

For whatever it is worth, when I get teary-eyed, I literally force my mind into a distraction whether it is a book or activity. It is working for me now. A few months ago, all I did was cry and then I had to see a therapist for fear I was going to go off the deep end. I am sure this distraction method will somehow catch up to me and I will crash.

I lost a baby in birth and it was a horrible grief. I remember perseverating over everything to the point of exhaustion. I finally came to the place where I realized that I had to move forward and that my focusing on the past, what wasn't to be was not going to fix anything. It only brings you down. I try to just be grateful for what we still have, for the life we have lived etc. Not sure any of this is helping but I gave it a try. Enjoy your summer, plan something, focus forward. Be well.

ladyzetta

(((Buggs)))

Your are so sweet and you really need to be taking care of yourself and getting a lot of rest. It will take time for you to recover from everything you went through while caring for your DH, you went over and above in everything you did.

Sit back and relax and hold those kitties they need you as much as you need them. They know your tired. I was gone for 2 weeks and ever since I got home my 2 cats have been on my lap, it's been 2 days and they follow me everyplace in the house I go.

Please don't breathe in too deeply when around that Clorox, it could make you sick and be the reason for your headaches. You deserve a big rest and time for yourself. Please take good care of yourself.

Hugs Zetta

Buggsroo

Thank you all. I got a call from the hospital after I posted this. My husband is stabilized and behaving; insert deep shock here. He lets them help him and bathe him.

The hospital phoned about his meds and a DNR. That took me aback, but then I remember us doing our wills and he stated at that time that if his quality of life was bad, he wanted to be allowed to go. I am glad I remembered that.

My husband is being transferred to an adjunct residence to the hospital waiting for a space in a long term care home.

I feel better mentally knowing he is ok, but physically I am coming down with something, cold or flu (jury’s out on that).

Thank you all again.

This is Cheeto my Main Coon, he is a big cat.

ladyzetta

Buggs, I love your precious kitty he is so cute I love his crossed eyes.

Ed1937

What I see here is "You wanna mess with my mama? You gotta go through me first!"

Jo C.

Ed; that is hilarious but does look like it!

Beautiful cat, Buggs; what a big feline! Looks like a bundle and a half. It is good your DH is doing better; it often happens that way for some of our LOs, no at home triggers. He is getting good care. Soon he will have a care setting; hospitals seem to have first dibs at transferring patients over families. Keep us posted, and hope you feel better soon and that this is not the flu.

J.

Iris L.

I have a maine coon cat, but she is small, only 5 lbs, now about age 14 years.

M1

Love those big male yellow tabbies. We've had several, including the aptly named Big Kitty, Ochre Ray, Mandarin Orange, and the current Pumpkin. Pumpkin once rode 50 miles in the back of our HVAC guy's van, not discovered until he didn't show up for supper. We had to meet him halfway....we call it Pumpkins Big Adventure.

Beachfan

Buggs, I. Hope everything works out for the care of your DH. You deserve some rest and recovery! It’s been a long, hard journey for both of you, especially you. I hope you shake your “affliction “- - maybe just a summer cold.

On a lighter note, your cat is beautiful. He has a look that says, “Don’t pi@# me off!” I am presently waging war with some dumb robins trying to build a nest in the fan blades on my front porch. I say ”dumb”, because I am running the fan and they still try to land- - can a robin get a concussion? I am going to screenshot Cheeto and prop my iPad in the window facing the fan, hoping he will scare them off. I have too much time on my hands; wish me (and Cheeto) luck.

Ed1937

can a robin get a concussion? I'm sure they can. We had chickens, with one rooster. We raised them all from two days old. But when the rooster got into puberty, I guess, he would attack me every time I went into the chicken yard. I started to carry a stick to swat him away when he would come at me with his spurs. One time he attacked me, and I swatted him. But I accidentally hit him in the head, and he went to the ground. He tried to stand up, but kept falling over. Finally he was able to get up, but stayed far away from me. Until the next time, that is. Then I guess he got his confidence back.

We had the same problem with robins building on the porch fan.

Buggsroo

I love your robins and their determination. Sadly brains aren’t their strong point. My mother said the expression bird brain was merited.

My dad worked in advertising and the agency was located right next to a bar called the Tusco House. Their vent used to belch out beer fumes all day, however this did not deter a group of pigeons who kept trying to nest on the vent. Customers would be greeted with very drunk pigeons swaying about and smashed eggs everywhere. I hope your robins twig soon.

Ed, your rooster probably enjoyed the erm time out.