Stage 8 one month in

Lgw

Most days are fine. Every once in awhile I feel the strong urge to go home and check to see if my DH is okay. I think I have been away from him for too long. I am still at my daughter's house. Father's Day was tough but I kept busy. Now tomorrow is the 1 month anniversary of his passing and I hope someday the 22nd will be like any other. I don't wish that he was still suffering but I do HATE this disease. It stole so many years that we had plans and now it is gone. I will get busy doing many things when I return home, but I'm not ready.

toolbeltexpert

I am so sorry, I can feel your grief, I'll be praying for you.

ButterflyWings

Lgw, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your DH and all that you are grieving. I have been away for a while, so I don't know all that you have been through recently but am so glad you are able to be with your daughter right now.

We are peeking into stage 7 and it has been a rocky road for the last few years. Some days now I think it will be a relief when my DH is free from this hateful thief of a disease. The very next thought is what you said. All of it. Sending you healing thoughts and well wishes that time will bring you peace and even joy, though I know that must be so hard to imagine right now.

Ed1937

The day after tomorrow will be 1 year for me. That first month or more was crushing. I still have my days, but it is not constant now. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. Just take your time, and let your emotions play out. This is something you have to handle in your own way. I wish you peace in the coming times.

Last Dance

From: Last Dance

Dear Lgw Stage 8 for some people it's worse than for others. Some people seem to move through it fairly easily and move on with their life. But for other people like me Stage 8 was hard and still is hard. The first year you struggle with the holidays, especially the major ones like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and Easter. However even a simpler holidays like the 4th of July Memorial Day, Labor Day they all bring back memories of better times and happier days, and you live with all the sadness in your heart.

I know of some people that within a month or two after their spouses passing, they boxed up their clothing and most of their personal possessions and either sold them or gave them away or donated them. Maybe that's the smart thing to do, I don't know for me 90% of my wife clothes in are still here, all of her personal possessions are still here except for this last summer I gave some of her jewelry to my teenage great granddaughters. I sometimes wonder if I would have dealt with her stuff right away if maybe I would feel better, I guess I'll never know.

Part of my problem comes from the fact that my daughter has been struggling with cancer these last few years and I was taking care of her, and her husband, he had a stroke, and I was helping her with him. So maybe that’s why I just put things off, however now I have come full circle in life, my daughter passed away on May 28th, so now I have two of my loved one’s stuff to deal with. Some days it seems you can’t win for losing!

To me someday stage 8 is like being between heaven and hell. Some days I'm high and some days I am low. I think this is how the rest of my life will be, so I just accept it.

I try to make the best of every day, and I ask God to help me make it through the days when I feel like I can't go on anymore.

God's blessings to you, as you struggle to move ahead and live your life without the one that you love so much.

As you said I will get busy doing many things when I return home, but I'm not ready.

Only you will know when you are ready, do not let anybody push you do something you don’t

want to do,

Last Dance (Richard)

 

Beachfan

Yesterday, I marked 2 months into stage 8. My DH was in a MCF for 17 months before he passed; prior to placement, he was at home with me as his 24/7 caregiving for 11 1/2 years. He had not known any family members for several years before he passed and so, in a strange way, I was able to “ease into” stage 8. During his placement, I was able to reclaim some semblance of normal life so that helped me to make the transition a little easier (as if a anything about this disease is easy). Now, I am dealing with the finality of it all. When he was in placement, I knew he was never coming home, but at least he was “there”. Now he is gone, forever and always. No visiting, no touching, no feeding, no helping him, no trying to elicit a smile, a reaction, nothing. Only memories and at times, an overwhelming sadness.

As Richard said, only you will know when you are ready. Follow your heart and take it one day at a time. Best wishes, you are not alone. Stay strong.

A. Marie

As of today, I'm 2 weeks and 5 days into Stage 8. DH had been in a nursing home for exactly 2 years and 2 months, and (in hindsight) first started showing symptoms 12 years ago.

My emotions are all over the map, but for me, relief for both our sakes (above all, for his) is predominating: Thank God Almighty, we're both free at last.

Still, I'm having brief crying jags several times a day, and I'm having some disorientation. (I catch myself wondering, "Why haven't I gone over to the nursing home yet this week?", and then I remember and it kicks me in the butt all over again.)

And as Last Dance/Richard wisely said, we all do this at our own pace and in our own ways. I send my best to all of you, especially those in the Stage 8 boat.

Ed1937

Richard, I know where you're coming from. My wife's clothes are all gone, with the exception of a top or two and a pair of slacks. I had our daughters come over to take what they wanted of her jewelry, and the rest was donated to an abused women's shelter. Hopefully that gave some of them a little lift for a day or two. I still have two totes with personal things of hers, and I haven't opened them at all for fear of the hurt it will cause. It's an individual thing when trying to cope with a loss like that.