I’m a newbie

thuchison

Hi everyone, this will probably be a long one so buckle in. I live in Tennessee. My Mom and Stepfather live in Ohio which is where I grew up as her only child. She has a history of being a narcissist with me. Nothing was ever good enough if you get my drift. She has a history of balance issues and has had quite a few face first falls. My understanding is that she has lesions on her brain that act like dementia. Because of her narcissistic tendencies over the years I’ve distanced myself and see her maybe once a year. Just as Covid hit, I had a knee replacement. And I refused to see them during Covid because I didn’t want to potentially get them sick.

So I don’t want to make this already long post much longer but I don’t know what to do. The house they live in should be on an episode of hoarders. She called me and asked me to come help get the house cleaned out. Without telling my stepfather. We went to the garage and omg the stuff!! They don’t throw out anything!! And the rat droppings!! All over things. This was just the garage. The house, is in horrible condition and they have 5 dogs and 2 cats. The urine smell is horrible. I’m at a loss. My stepfather does what she will let him do around the house while yelling at him to bring her food. They both have breathing issues and I think the house is making them sick. Because I’m so far away I don’t know what I can do. Does anyone have suggestions for me? Thanks

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m wondering who has a DPOA, if anyone. Is your stepfather up to the task of caring for her? It’s difficult to care for a dementia patient even without all the clutter and animal responsibilities. You may need to go and have a heart to heart talk with both of them and schedule a visit with a CELA (certified elder law attorney) to make sure things are in order. If you have the ability to legally advise for your mom, then more can be done.

im sorry this is a new reality for you, glad you came, keep coming back.

SL001

If you can get a power of attorney, call adult protective services and get them to assisted living, put the house and their income in trusts and apply for medicaid. Then you can clean out the house/ rent/sell.

Best Case scenario.

M1

Agree with sl001. Since you dont have power of attorney (and i would think hard about whether you want it, for your mom or both of them) adult protective services may be your best bet.