My mother is alone and isolated, 83, no diagnosis, trying to care for herself

SL001

And I am locked out. My mother probably has dementia, but it is undiagnosed. She had many mental health issues before.

She jeopardized my safety and the safety of my child a few years ago. We haven't spoken in over a year and she also has all of my things personal effects except for what I could put in my car when we had to leave the house -in her possession. She is threatening to sell the house - not in my name -and leave the country.

I have no POA and I tried and failed to get guardianship, she is in FL where the threshold for being incapacitated is very high as in the person has no sense of space/ time/ etc.

I have spoken to her once in the last few years and it unfortunately only turned into a blame fest with her telling me to forget about what happened but she wasn't letting me back in the house.

She also received an e-mail from Medicare that said May is Mental Health Month and assumed it was from me telling her to get a mental health check that she said that she was not going to do.

Do I call her and try and reason or leave things to chance?

I could also try and make a neurology appointment for her and see if when they call her for the appointment she will just go, or see if they will say another doctor made it for her.

I have no access to her primary, not even sure she has one, and I have lost my only caregiver and parent to this disease. Every day I am in so much pain not knowing what will happen to her, but I also have a child to care for and I am a single parent. The past few years have been so difficult and I don't know how I can continue this charade of not speaking to her and her locked in her home and isolating herself.

She lives in a gated community and has instructed the gate both not to let me in and to have me call the police if I come there. Is is a community where I lived with her for 26 years. They said she is the homeowner, so without any court papers, they will follow her orders.

Please someone help. If even with prayer. My mother is lost and so am I in so much pain.

Thanks😪

terei

From what you describe, at this point, there is not much that you can do. Reasoning with her will NOT work + serve only to agitate her, most likely. Sooner or later, there will be a crisis ( hospitalization possibly) + at that point you may be able to step in when she is not able to manage the situation on her own.

Until then, I suggest you concentrate on your work + your child + try to detach a bit from a situation you have no control over.

SL001

It is so hard, but others have given the same advice. When you grow up with a single caretaker and then they stop talking to you, it feels like so much is so unfairly lost.

eaglemom

I am so sorry that I'm just now seeing this posting. The heartache you feel is real you can not deny it. However, your mother has chosen to isolate herself away from you, that is on her & not on you. Sadly, as someone posted, there will be a crisis and then she'll need you. Until that point, focus on your child and yourself.

Some people, and it seems your mother must be one, simply chose to do things the hard way. They think isolating themselves and pushing others away protects them. You will never convince her differently so I would stop trying to change her. That's a battle you'll never ever win, and frankly its not worth your effort to try.

You can always call the ALZ Helpline at 800-272-3900 and ask to speak with a care consultant. Protect yourself and your child, that would be my best advice. I'm so sorry it sounds so cold and cruel.

eagle

jfkoc

Who are you getting your information from???