To all newcomers

solerdr

I send you ALL my sincerest condolences and want you to know that you are not alone in this; for if you are visiting this site it means that you are caring for a parent who has been diagnosed with or who is experiencing symptoms of Alzheimer's.

You are not alone in this challenge, for I am here to help in any way that I can as my father had Alzheimer's for almost 20 years.

I may not have all the answers and can only tell you about how my family managed this terrible disease as every person with Alzheimer's experiences this disease differently.

I am here to provide you support and to lend an ear.

I send you all positive thoughts and feelings.

May God's light guide your path today, and His spirit fill your heart with peace.

Sincerely,

Damion

Just Jenny

Thank you :-)

"May God Bless you As Well!"

solerdr

Good morning/afternoon.

You are more than welcome.

Have a super-fantastic day!

Damion

Rachel

Thank you! This is all so overwhelming. It helps to read that so many others out there "get it". It is very hard to talk to people who do not. Thanks again.

CaringE

Hi Damion,

Thank you for this heartfelt post. Today is rough for me. It's the first time my mom said she hated me for me taking the tv remote away in order for her to take her medication and get her day started right by eating. She can be independent (but still needs consistent caretaking) in ways as she has early dementia, but the worst in her comes out now. The lashing out is brutal. I have zero help and balancing my life, which is a magical juggle held by gorilla glue at this point. Please pass along any tips you have and many thanks.

solerdr

You are more than welcome.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this experience in your life right now.

Remember, she does not mean the things she says; she is not the same mom you knew growing up as she has no control over her brain.

As for taking things away until she takes her meds, well now that you know that is not a good experience for either one of you; perhaps you crush up the meds and put in in something she does like eating?

Here is the thing, the disease is not going to get any better so you might as well give her the foods and drinks she likes which are certainly not going to make the disease any worse really. It is about comfort of life...

We made the mistake of limiting my father on the sweets, carbs, alcohol in an effort to not be contributors to the disease; however, in hindsight (which is always 20/20), if I had to do it all over again, I would have given my father what ever he wanted, which I did in his last days on this earth.

Again, please remember, your mom does not truly mean the things she says to you. Sometimes you will see glimpses of the old mom and you may get hope; however, she may and could lash out in an instant.

It helped me to remember ALL of the wonderful memories I had with the dad I knew prior to the disease. And it helped me and us to make my father's days on this earth pleasant for him.

It is okay to lie to your mother about things, we called it therapeutic lying. For example, when he would ask when I was coming back after visiting him at the memory care facility I'd say, "in an hour after my meeting dad", which was not the truth. "Where's your mom?" 'Oh, she is on a trip to Vegas dad and will be back tomorrow." This would put him at ease.

There will be good days and not so good days AND you must remember to take care of yourself as well; for oft times it is the caretakers who get worn out.

I am here for you if and when you run into other issues.

Damion

solerdr

You are more than welcome Rachel.

Here if you need me and even if you do not.

Damion

mskeri

Thank you so much! Those words mean so much right now.

solerdr

mskeri,

Good morning to you.

You are more than welcome.

One minute, one hour, and one day at a time.

Ever forward we march on.

Have a beautiful day!

Damion

Mimi..W

Hi guys and gals, where do I start..... I noticed something was wrong with my mom 20+ yrs ago but no one believed me. Fast forward we have since moved my mom to an assisted living community with my dad. My Mom would keep falling and breaking/fracturing parts of her body. She has arthritis and thinks if she moves it will help. It doesn't. It just makes the pain worse. Surgery is out. She is on soooooo many pain relievers. She forgot who I was and thought I was my cousin. That was a big bummer. You forget your daughter but remember your niece. We invite my parents over every weekend for breakfast, but this last visit was really hard. My mom is a perfectionist and spends a lot of time telling me I'm fat or am I pregnant. Two years ago, I had endometrial cancer, and her comments are sooo hurtful. Now she is yelling/screaming at us at the table. She is becoming more and more aggressive, and I know it is going to get worse. When I try to reason with her, she starts telling me/us that we wouldn't be happy until she dies/dead. What I want doesn't matter. Just lock me up and forget about me. She has no idea how much time and money we have invested for her care. To top it off my dad even seems to have started playing games with me to make me angry/concern. He called recently that the lights went out at the facility and no AC. Well, it is extremely hot here so I told him it will come back on soon and hung up. I know he thought I would run out there and save the day. But I called the front desk and confirmed that it was back on. I called him back and was perturbed that I was able to confirm that all was okay. Heck, he even was mad at me that I had cancer. How could I? Sorry to purge so much at one time but it was a rough weekend. Plus, on top of that my sister told me she felt like doing herself harm. I spent hours talking to her. It is just everyone see me being the "strong one" but I can only carry so much. I'm tired.

Thank you for letting me purge.

solerdr

How are you doing/feeling today mimi?

Mimi..W

Today is a good day. I had a win visit yesterday with my Mom and Dad. The best deal was that I had at least 7hrs of sleep last night. If I can just get 7hrs of sleep every night I think I would be soooo much better. The thing is I KNOW what I need to do and why everything is happening but....... THANK YOU for asking. :)

solerdr

Excellent!

I am glad you had a good day. We all need those.

Have a great day!