Dealing with Pets

CorrieG

Since his diagnosis, my DH and our dog do not get along. While he has never hit the dog, he looms and yells. He is rough when picking him up. Our dog has taken to hiding under the bed whenever my DH calls for him.

It doesn't help that my dog has become increasingly protective of me and barks more than he used to. I know he's not getting as much exercise and senses the increased tension of the household.

I looked into rehoming him but no one wants a 12 year old yappy, anxious little dog. I care about both of them so much but I'm not sure what to do at this point. Anyone else dealing with this?

Iris L.

Corrie, the little dog will probably not be so yappy and anxious if he feels more secure in a calm home. There are people who take in senior pets. My neighbor adopted an 8 year old small dog that is very mellow. She runs and plays but almost never barks.

Iris

MP8

CorrieG, this is so heartbreaking! A couple of thoughts short of rehoming the dog (I know that's not easy with a senior dog that you love) that may or may not be useful:

• Could your dog go to a doggie day care, especially during times of the day when your husband is more likely to be upset? Could your husband go to an adult activity center? Both of these could help relieve stress.
• Is your husband generally more upset/less tolerant/more irritated? If you haven't spoken with his doctor about potential medications, this might be a good next step. In my case, my mother was having outbursts, which became much more controlled with medication.

If you do need to rehome your dog, is there a family member or friend who might be interested? You might also talk to your vet to see about any recommendations they have.

Take care of yourself.

harshedbuzz

@CorrieG

This is not an uncommon dementia behavior-- the PWD become obsessed with the family pet in some way to the animal's detriment. Either it's the PWD feeding them inappropriately-- too much or the wrong thing, disregarding safety practices-- letting them out unleashed, and/or "disciplining" them.

A dear friend's mom became hyper-focused on her cats and took to chasing them off their usual windowsills, waking them from naps and yelling at them in the German of their youth. The cats withdrew from her, but Mom had her own suite in the house where she spent a good part of the day, plus they were cats, so the situation was a bit different. When mom was in the mood, she'd want the cats to cuddle but, of course, they were wary of her behavior and would not. My friend got her a "Joy for All" robotic cat (they have small dogs, too) which was very successful. Mom started to ignore the real cats in favor of her special cat which allowed the real ones to stand down. They still avoided her, but they were happier and out from under the bed. I realize that the above might not work for you and would be something of a Hail Mary Pass. Most folks have to rehome the dog for its own well-being.

In reading your other posts, I get a sense, between the lines, that your husband's presentation of dementia is not that of the pleasantly befuddled. Behavior is communication-- his interactions with the dog could be indicative of anxiety, depression or even delusional thinking. Depression often looks like irritability especially in men. I would consider adding a geripsych to his team for medication consideration. One of the worst parts of dementia is that the emotional intelligence and feelings of the individual persist well past a time when the PWD can process them effectively. Meds can be very helpful around this.

That said, you may have reached a point where rehoming the dog is the kindest option. There are groups and rescues who can and do find homes for older pets. After my dad died, I wanted to get my mom a cat but I really, really, really didn't want to pair a kitten or young adult with my then 80 year old mom because I wasn't looking to inherit said cat. I found her a 9-year old Maine Coon whose family was moving to Hawaii and didn't want to quarantine her for months. Ideally, a family member or friend might take your pet for a while and allow you to re-introduce once your DH has progressed or medicated to a calmer state.

HB

Companion Pet Pup – Ageless Innovation LLC (joyforall.com)

CorrieG

Thanks so much for your input!

We don’t have any family close by and no relatives want him anyway. I can look for an organization. I think part of the problem is I’m so sad to give him up even though he probably will be happier in a more stable environment. I’m scared he will be too much trouble and get euthanized somehow.

The idea for Geri psych is a good one. He does take an antidepressant but it’s true, he can be very unpleasant which could easily still be depression.

We have an in home companion but I haven’t thought about adult daycare. He’s pretty young and able. I don’t think he would ‘fit in’ yet.

Jackie_K

@CorrieG I will just chime in here that there are organizations out there who are focused specifically on rehoming senior pets. I am sure it must be really sad to think about, but I feel like in this situation you have to do everything to make easier on yourself, and the dog deserves to live its senior years without that level of anxiety.

I am a dog owner and the last 3 dogs I've adopted have been from senior animal shelters (Young at Heart in the Chicagoland area is where I have adopted, and when I lived on the West Coast, I adopted from a place called Muttville). A lot of the animals are there because an owner sadly passed away, or the owner can no longer care for it. I am not sure where you live, but it is worth checking into as an option.

Good luck!