Mom refusing help

keithcannon1014

My 84 year-old mother is being cared for by my 86 year-old dad. They live 5 hours away from me. Mom’s memory is getting worse and worse and she refuses to seek medical help. She becomes suspicious and paranoid when the subject of medical assistance is brought up. My dad and I are seeking advice on how to help my mom when she absolutely refuses to seek professional help. Thank you!

M1

Hi Keith and welcome to the forum. Very difficult to be so far away, are there any family members closer?

One strategy people have used to get a loved one to a doctor is to say that it's required by Medicare, if you don't go you'll lose your insurance. Some have even faked letters to that effect. For such a strategy to work, it's best to let the provider's office know your concerns ahead of time, including a written summary of your and your dad's observations--not at all uncommon for families to be the ones to notice symptoms long before the loved one does (read about anosognosia, if you're not familiar with it). At the very least they can rule out (mostly by blood work) any treatable problems that could mimic dementia.

Does your dad hold power of attorney (health and financial?) for your mom? Someone likely needs to, and your dad will inevitably be facing his own health issues at this advanced age. You may need to consider talking to an elder law attorney about getting powers of attorney for both of them if you don't already have it.

Certainly one thing to consider is whether they need to move closer to you, if you are the primary support. But that's a longer term issue, in all likelihood.

If you read a lot of threads you can learn a lot on this forum. I wish you well.