Stolen moment

M1

I went for a July 4 cookout today at MC--it actually turned into a "cook-in," because it was too hot. After lunch we went to her room, as we have gotten in the habit of drawing and painting (she mainly watches, can't initiate much). But I was tired, stole a moment to lie down on her bed and almost fell asleep. She went and locked the door and lay down with me. It was only about five minutes--I could hardly stand it, it felt so much like old times. A fleeting moment of intimacy that we haven't had in over a year. Painful, bittersweet. I got up because I was too close to tears. Complained that my back was hurting, which it was. And like that, it was over. I don't know if I would dare do it again. Overwhelmed. I'm crying again now, remembering it. The enormity of what we have lost is just heartstopping sometimes.

White Crane

I’m glad you had that moment, M. And I understand the bittersweet nature of it and the tears. I’ve laid next to my husband and cried in the dark many nights aching for what once was.

Joydean

M1 glad you did have that moment but wish the pain was not so hard! I once read “ Some times you will never know the value of a moment Until it becomes a memory.” That is one of the truest quotes I’ve ever read. I hate this disease for what it does to our love ones and to us . My heart hurts for you and all of us.

RickM

Cherish the moment. There won’t be many more of them. Have gratitude for the moments in the past.

After I moved my DW to MC I was hoping I might suffer less. I don’t , but at least I have time to figure out how to survive this…I hope

Ed1937

Sorry it's so darn hard. Then you wonder if it was worth it. The day before yesterday, I took two of our daughters, and showed them where I met their mother. That was hard too.

Jeanne C.

I'm glad you had the moment while I cry for the pain it caused you. It's such a mixed bag every day, isn't it?

ButterflyWings

(((Oh M1))). So precious, and yet so painful. For me, it is more numbness than pain but who knows what will unfold when that protective layer of detachment wears off. Its been years, but I'm sure one day it will. Still, I jump at any fleeting stolen moments here - he might kiss my hand or say something sweet, recognizing me as his wife...that's about as exciting as it gets.

But you are so right that it is almost unbearable in sharply framing what is, vs. what was, and what we had expected would be. Plans and promises...poof. Dementia is a total home wrecker and heart breaker. No other way to say it. I'm so happy for her sweet instinct, but sorry for the sadness and helplessness that it brought you. Not being able to visit at all was horrible. And now this is better in many ways, but also bittersweet. Hugs.

harshedbuzz

@M1

That's so hard.

My mom used to nap with dad when she visited. They'd always been nappers; she because of narcolepsy and him because he tended to burn the candle from both ends. She found it familiar, comforting and easier than trying to engage with him when he was agitating.

HB

toolbeltexpert

M1 glad you had a moment, but the tears and the hole in the heart are more than we can bear. I can only emphasize as those moments and memories become more fleeting. I am so glad though your visits, such a stark difference from what was. More memories for you m1 and less tears.

Stewart