Suicide Attempt

Galatea

My DH attempted suicide on Friday. He has been in the hospital since then for observation and evaluation.

The psych nurse recommended he be admitted to an inpatient facility. She did say that the insurance/facility would most likely overrule her recommendedation due to his dementia. He was diagnosed this May with mixed dementia ( vascular & alzheimer's).

Due to the holiday, everything is slow. Tomorrow, psych will evaluate him again and see if there is real need for impatient services.

My concern is what to do if he comes home tomorrow instead of going to treatment. How do I keep him safe?

We don't have guns in the house. I just bought a lockable medicine cabinet. It just doesn't seem like enough. The psych nurse said those are the main things to do.

I am tired, sad, angry, scared and just overwhelmed. Still recovering from my surgery and waiting for clearance from my surgeon that things are OK for me.

Anyone else deal with their PWD and suicide?

M1

Galatea, i am so sorry. I haven't dealt with this, but i did have to hospitalize my partner before she went to memory care.

You can influence what happens here, refuse to take him home. You need to say, over and over, that you cannot safely care for him at home and do not feel safe taking him home. Insist that he be admitted, it is by far the safer choice for both of you. Older men have very high rates of successful suicide.

Again I am so sorry, please keep us posted.

Joe C.

Galatea, I am very sorry your dealing with this. I think M1’s advice is on point. Your mantra’s must be, “it’s not safe at home” & “I can not care for him now due to my recent surgery”. You just need to dig your heels in and don’t relent. I hope you are able to convince them to keep him inpatient.

ButterflyWings

G - so very sorry you are going through this. And your DH also. Please listen to M1 and just repeat the magic words - "you cannot safely care for him and do not feel safe taking him home". This is the only way to get him the professional psychiatric care and supervision that is needed in this urgent situation. One of our long-time members who may not post anymore as her DH has passed from Early Onset -- Lady Texan -- went through a terrifying time when her DH poured gasoline on himself in the garage if I recall. Had he been able to ignite himself he could also have burned their home down, with both of them in it. She got him admitted and stabilized after some time in hospital and then eventually brought him back home for the rest of his dementia journey.

Jo C.

Dear Galatea, I am so sorry for what has happened and the challenges you are facing. he absolutely fits criteria for psych admission as he is a proven "danger to self" due to his suicide attempt.

I am rather curious about what the nurse has communicated to you and wonder if it is a patient age issue. Can you share how old your husband is?

If he is within a certain age range, he would fit criteria for admission to a GeroPsych Unit. In Geropsych, he would be covered by insurance whether Medicare or if a private insurance, if your insurance has inpatient psych (mental health) coverage. You can call any private insurance company to find out what the benefits are for this need.

Age for admission to GeroPsych can vary a bit depending on the hospital. Some will admit those who are 50 years old and above; others will admit those who are 55 and above. However; things sometimes can vary depending on various components, since he has dementia, there may possibly be some wiggle room if he is not too much younger.

A regular psych unit could accommodate being "a danger to self," but they are not deeply suited for dementia care, so that may be a question that has yet to be answered.

NOTE: It is absolutely good advice from others, do NOT take him home. The hospital cannot force you to do so and by law, they cannot discharge a patient if the patient would not be safe.

You simply dig your heels in and keep repeating that you are not able to keep him safe and are unable to safely care for him and you feel that he would be deeply unsafe. Also let them know you are still recovering from surgery, but the key word to all of this is the word "unsafe." Repeat as often as you need to and do not let anyone manipulate you.

Please let us know how this is going and I so hope it all settles in the best way. We will be thinking of you.

J.

toolbeltexpert

Galatea the advice of not bringing him home is good advice, along with repeating you cannot care for him, and both of your safety is the factor to stress again and again. I wanted to say that may not be what you want? Only you know. I have many videos of my dw talking about suicide. I never had to show them but that is terrifying for sure. This morning my dw said I wouldn't like the thoughts she is thinking. I know what she is implying though and will talk about a possible med change. She hadn't talked like that in a long while. We are only days away from the 1 yr mark of being gone from home which started like so many with a geripsych then placement. I took that threat very seriously. I have known at least 3 people who have taken their life, I couldn't chance it with dw, there was no way I could have keep her safe by myself. Now I have a team of professionals of course I have to work though all the stuff from making that decision, you will too. No way around it.

I pray for us all everyday.

Galatea

Thank you for all of the advice and support. I am so frightened and concerned about him. It really isn't safe for him to be home when is is this upset/depressed/anxious.

I will update this message when there is a change.

Galatea

DH came home on Thursday. The impatient facility denied him service based on his dementia. He is calm-ish now getting reacquainted with life at home. Has no memory of the incident. Still depressed and anxious. He has a new sleeping prescription so hopefully he will get some rest.

I am still overwhelmed and sad.

eaglemom

You can call the ALZ Help line 800-272-3900 at any time, 24/7. Ask to speak with a care consultant, say that it is urgent.

I can't imagine how you are feeling. Does your DH see a neurologist? I would get them in on what has happened ASAP. The new sleep medication will possibly take time for his system to adjust to taking it. I hate to say this, but in keeping you safe always have your cell phone on your person. Keep it charged it up. That way if you need to call for help your phone is on you. Take a deep breath, and try to take care of yourself.

eagle

M1

I can only imagine how you must be feeling. You still have the option of going back to the emergency room if you need to. Please keep us posted when you can, will be thinking about you.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Ed1937

Galatea, I lost a son to suicide in 1998. I have another son, 43 years of age, who has tried twice. He suffers from clinical depression, and I am always waiting for the next attempt, which I hope never comes. So I can understand some of what you are feeling. Please call 911 if you suspect he is vulnerable, and have him taken to a hospital. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

jfkoc

Your husband can be treated for depression, Please talk to his neurologist who will likely refer him to a neuo/psych.

Caro_Lynne

I'm so sorry for your situation; must be overwhelming! I agree a geriatric psychiatrist will be able to help him, and you ❤️

Lgb35

Praying for you both. We are early in this long goodbye but my DH has stated many times he would do the same when he gets bad enough. He does not want to be a burden and is terrified of being at the point that he can’t talk, can’t do anything for himself and doesn’t know our kids and grandkids. Our oldest grandson is 7 and has lived with us almost his whole life.

take care of yourself❤️

Galatea

I just didn't have the energy to fight the insurance. I did say I didn't feel safe with him in the home. It didn't seem to matter. The psych nurse said it would be better for him to go home vs staying at the hospital waiting for a spot for inpatient treatment. She didn't want to see him overly medicated there due to his anxiety.

Since he was diagnosed by his Geriatrics Dr (using tests and mri) we are still working on the neurologist/alzheimer's clinic referral. He had to do the cognitive test again yesterday and his score was lower than in April. So the decline that I suspected has been confirmed.

He has been mostly genial at home. Only a few outbursts- manageable. I do keep the charged phone with me always.

It is like living in a nightmare just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just waiting for me to turn my back and he will make another suicide attempt.

Jo C.

Galatea, I have been thinking of you and hoping that things are a bit better with your husband's behaviors. If anything seems amiss on that front with high risk re suicide ideation or your safety, you can have him seen in the ER. The component of the nurse recommending taking a suicidal person with dementia home may well be what happens too often: The staff of a unit or hospital will do everything to not have to hold a patient waiting for an appropriate setting to open up to transfer a patient to. They would by far prefer family to take the patient home thereby relieving them of the patient's care - especially if the insurance is not a highly paying one. Manipulation to have the patient out of their care can be done even delicately so that the family buys into their recommendations.

That may not have been the situation for your DH, but it is good to be able to "see" the range of what can go sometimes into staff making recommendations especially when family feels the at-home setting is one of danger and lacks ability to care for safely and properly.

You are doing a good job of all that has landed in your lap; to get things settled, you would be best served by being the "squeaky wheel," the more you continue to verbally and loudly advocate and push, the more likely that he will get to help sooner as most referrals move far too slowly; we can often help push it forward by being a persistent force never letting up.

Just remember, if ever, ever, he becomes a threat or danger to you or verbalizes his going to kill himself or makes an attempt, get him to the ER and then refuse to take him home - you can state you tried and it was not successful and was unsafe on the 24 hour continuum; he needs a safe setting that can meet his special needs that are unable to be met at home which is unsafe.

Let us know how you are and how things are moving or not moving along, you are very important in all of this. It is not just about your DH and his needs and safety, it is also about your safety and your needs which is beginning to affect your health. We are hoping for the best outcome for you.

j.

Ed1937

Galatea, I don't really know what to say except that I understand the stress you are under. My prayers are with you and your DH.

eaglemom

Ed wrote exactly what I was going to say. Know that we are all praying for you both.

eagle

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Galatea

Hi All,

DH traverses from "I want to live to be with you" to "it is too much" most everyday. He never has explicitly threatened to harm himself even before the attempt. The nurses and doctors never even answered my question whether I could safely leave him alone in the home or if he required 24 hour supervision. I opted not to leave him alone.

He had his first hallucination today which was a short experience. I am not looking forward to more.

I managed to have a caretaker here so I could watch a movie. It was so difficult to relax. I only texted for updates twice which seemed reasonable. It took me about an hour to calm him down from his anxiety panic after I returned.

I don't love reading the medical notes afterwards since they don't always match my memory of the experience. It is so depressing to read their perspective and see him reduced to billable codes.

I spent a good 30 minutes crying in bed tonight. He had to calm me down and reassure me everything was going to be ok. For a short while, I recognized aspects of previous him. Then it faded away as he lost focus.

Love and strength to all of us here.