Finances and Anosognosia

Katielu

Ok. I feel like a broken record after reading others posts. My DH was diagnosed with MCI in January, heading for vascular dementia and history of brain injury. He is in dementia, No MCI about it.

he clearly has anosognosia. First of all, what do you do about that!? In his mind, there is nothing wrong with him. Never mind that he doesn’t know how to write a check, do math, pay bills and can’t use logic for anything. But when bills need to be paid, he is right at ky side, asking what we spend what on, why, we need to cut back…. Then he wants to go out to eat at expensive restaurants and by lots of wine ( which I try not to allow and if we have it, I refill his adding water, poring wine down the drain, watering it down in the bottle )

so, if I sound frustrated, I am. He says I am “ distant”, well, yes I am. I get snapped at often, I repeat myself a million times and he is stuck to me like glue. I went to a support group last month and will go this month. He knows I am going and said I can go “ talke about” him. I am reading my way thru the 36 hour day, and I have only watched part of Teepa Snow as I don’t have time to stop and do it and don’t have much time away from him. If I get a break, I don’t want to think about Dementia.

But does the anosognosia go away? Does he ever realize there is an issue? Does this make sense? Of am I loosing it?

PookieBlue

Katie, I don’t know if PWD WITH Anosognosia ever get over it. However, my DH attributes everything to his age and when on occasion he does recognize a problem with memory etc, it is very disheartening to me as he sobs and stays in that mode until somehow I can divert him. I always have had the responsibility of our finances so luckily never had to deal with husband intruding on that.

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Iris L.

Anosognosia does not go away. Anosognosia is a characteristic of Alzheimer's Disease. This is why you need to learn and use work-arounds. If I were you, I would blame as much as possible on "the virus". That is what I used for my cousin, because she knew the virus was the reason for a lot of changes. Even though the virus is over for us, the changes due to the virus persist. Tell him that.

Iris

Katielu

Thank you. I do have a POA in place, and have seen the elder law attorney. I do pay all bills on line and some are auto pay. I can set up more. He is always with me, so if I get on line to check balances and such he is there, I guess I need to learn the work arounds. I’m not good at that yet, I am still trying working, mostly reviewing labs from home.

jfkoc

Everyone needs to have a DPOA in place for finances and health. Everyone needs a health directive an most need to have a Trust set up to avoid probate. None of know if or when we might become incapacitated.

If you are reviewing labs I am guessing that you are still at the beginning of a diagnosis, yes?

Re other work online can you not do it together? Can you do a budget together and then just stick to it?

Re the wine...I would have a hard time dumping the wine. Put it in another bottle that way you can keep some watered down.

Anasognosia? Not going away.

Learning work arounds is a must as is learning to work within the four corners of your husband's "reality" page. He is not coming back to what he was. Do not argue. Do not reason. Work around.

Katielu

Thanks. I review labs as my job. I am a registered nurse. I have a home office.

we do have everything in trust.

I will learn work arounds, don’t know what they are yet and it feels odd, but I get it.

wine! Hahaha, good thought!

thanks

Denise1847

I take naps, read and take walks or get on the treadmill to get away and get peace. Maybe give him a job to do like folding laundry or something of like that to occupy him for a little while.

vjw

Katilu. Anosognosia is all new to me as well. In my husband's mind, there is nothing wrong with him. He blames his memory loss on everything but the source. He does admit his short term memory is gone but this is because he has no more room left in his brain to take on new information. He is also hard of hearing, and is adamant that he can hear fine. Hearing test says different.

Not only do I repeat myself a million times a day because his short term is gone, add an additional million because he refuses to wear his hearing aids.

Whatever room I go to, he's right there. He does hover over me if I'm reading or texting.

I have always paid the bills and now most everything is online.

He is fixated on getting the mail. Which is fine, but I have to watch what he mails out.

I have received a magazine subscription, a few books and a necklace. None that I ordered and he insists he hadn't. I have found a couple of $20 dollar bills in envelopes. I try to get the crap mail torn and tossed before he gets his hands on it.

Luckily, he places his "outgoing" mail by the front door. When he isn't looking, I'll take it, look through it, pocket the cash, if any, tear it up and toss it. No questions because he doesn't remember.

Ed1937

Here is a good link to anosognosia. It's worth reading even if you think you understand it. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm  

And for those of you who are having a hard time getting to the mail before your PWD, consider getting a post office box to have your preferred mail go to. If that is not a possibility, maybe you can use the address of a family member or a trusted neighbor.

Emily 123

Katielu,

With my mom, every once in a while something connects and she has some insight, but it's quickly gone (she says her 'memory's full' or something feels scattered) and I'm thankful for it because I think the awareness would be so hard for her.

Can you get an aide in? Some people pretend they're co-workers or friends dropping in who just gradually end up sitting with your loved one. Or can you hire someone to help with housework/laundry etc., just to get that off your plate? Any adult daycare options nearby?

It may be that he feels the loss of control even though he can't recall specific instances and he has anxiety about it. The finances--something he used to be able to control--becomes a focus. (With my mom it was her taxes.) He's shadowing you because you're the touchstone that his routine is built around, and what helps him navigate through his days is that routine, since he can't retain new information.

It's going to feel odd at first, but don't be afraid to use the fiblets to deflect his attention into a less anxious mindset or to let you get your work done. For instance, if he's not happy that you're going to a support group to 'talk about him', why not call it a nursing CME workshop and only bring it up right before you get ready to head out? It sounds like his memory may be at the point where 'out of sight is out of mind', so as others have suggested, keep working on finding ways to remove those visual cues. If he can still do email or phone calls it might be a good time to try to set up filtering so he only gets email or calls from his contacts list.