Coping with a parent who has false beliefs, confusion and delusion

rsanghrajka

My mother now 75 years old, has had occasional delusional moments since 1985 but was only officially diagnosed with a mild to medium form of dementia in 2013.

Between 1985 and 2013, due to living in a 3rd world country in Africa and not having the resources available, it was not known that delusion was a symptom of dementia. My father was aware of her condition but did not pursue it further after her diagnosis. Probably due to financial reasons and because my mother believes that medical professionals will always diagnose for profit purposes, advocating this medication or costly treatment plan, or that, and that medicines do more harm than good. My father accepted her behavior but always ensured she felt reassured and kept her safe. He took care of her every need.

My father was passed away June 2021. My mother was present though his hospitalization and his funeral. I relocated her that same year (2021) to the USA and she lives with me and my wife. She is now a permanent resident of the USA.

However, his passing or perhaps his absence seems to have been a trigger to cause plenty of incidents of false beliefs, confusion and delusion.

Despite showing her the permanent residence card, she often does not believe she has one. She thinks my father is alive and waiting for her. She even has a restaurant location she says he is at. She thinks he calls me often and tells others that he does. She does not accept he has passed or that his death certificate is genuine. She speaks about him with lots of confusion. She says she does not like being here in the USA (despite all the care and love and better social interactions she has now than when she was living in Africa). She says she wants to go back home to Africa (which is no longer an option except for a visit to her son there).

I believe her dementia has progressed. She has a PCP who has confirmed her dementia diagnosis. She does fuss when she has to visit the doctor, often getting into a tantrum. She does take the prescribed medication to slow the progress of her dementia but we have had to tell her it’s a vitamin.

She has a very vivid memory of the past. She is mobile and can do all normal functions. However her state of confusion, false beliefs and delusional moments remains a concern.

She will often call others and say things which are not true. She sometimes says things about my mother in law and others which are just not true.

My wife and I are calm with her and never argue back. We keep reassuring her all is ok. We are learning to cope (but do struggle at time) and welcome any advice or suggestions on how we can make her understand that my father, her husband has passed away and that USA is her home, and that no one is going to harm her or is anything like what she says they are. She has so much love and support here in the USA and from others overseas. Thank you in advance.

jfkoc

Wonderful that your mother is with you so that you can take care of her. Please to google dementia/Alzheimer's diagnosis and please consider that depression may be a problem also.

Sounds like you and your wife are doing well with the situation. The more you learn about being a caregiver to a person with dementia the less bumpy the road.

We are always here to support and to share good information. We understand and we do care!

Emily 123

Hi--this might help:

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

As you'll see from reading it, the person with dementia begins to lose memories of most recent things first, and as the disease progresses, memories are erased from most the recent ones backwards. She likely does not remember many things from the past years. She may not be having delusions as much as memory loss. If that's the case, you do not have to tell her her husband is dead, since it will hurt her each time. While it may feel odd at first, you can tell fiblets that don't contradict her memory.

rsanghrajka

Emily 123 - thank you. Her memory from at least 2 years back and older is very sharp. She is able to remember a lot down to minute details.

solerdr

There is a good book called "The Stranger in the Mirror" that may also give you insight into what to expect.