Where to start

Joy Horstmyer

Hello, I am new here and have no idea where to start with getting help for my mom. We are at the stage where we believe she needs to be checked on a few times a week and I live 2 hours away. How do I begin to find out what services might be available to support us? Her doctors, insurance, etc.?

Thanks,

Joy

solerdr

Sorry that you are going to have to experience what many of us have Joy.

First, contact a neurologist in her area to get a diagnosis and medications to help at this time.

Second, start looking for home health care options or home nursing options in her area; a Google search should yield you some options.

Third, contact a lawyer in her area to draw up medical and financial powers of attorney, especially if you are going to be the one making financial and medical decisions for her. You'll want your mother to sign these documents before she gets any worse. These will give you access and authority to make decisions on how to use her monies (should she have accounts) for her care.

Fourth, perhaps start looking into memory care facilities in the area, either where she lives or where you live.

Fifth, may be time to start thinking about selling her house (if she owns), as eventually she will may 24/7 care.

Sixth, you can always have her move in with you and you all care for her; however, that is a tough process and is really hard on the caregivers. My sister and I moved in with my parents to help my mother with my dad and his ALZ's. We were able to care for him for almost three years; however, he wore us out and it got to a point where he needed 24/7 care. And I knew I could not save my father I could only help save my mother; thus, the family decision to move him into memory care.

You are going to have to decide on home health care or facility care. Either option is going to be pricey; hence, the suggestion on prepping to sell her house.

May God's light guide your day and His spirit bring you peace.

Damion

harshedbuzz

Hi @Joy Horstmyer and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but glad you found us.

Does your mom live alone? Given the distance, your trips to mom's are likely day-trips which means you may be over-estimating her competence to live alone. Many PWD are able to hold it together for a fairly short period at the doctor's or with visitors in a phenomenon called showtiming. If you haven't already, I would arrange an excuse to stay with her 24/7 for several days to get a better sense of what is going on. You might want to check the mail for charity appeals which can be a common scam for parting the vulnerable elderly from their money as well as her email, texts and call history to see what is going on when you aren't there. Also check her pantry and fridge for spoiled food, her dish towels and pots for evidence of fires and it she has a car, look it over for dings and scratches. If you can access her medical chart, check her current prescribed medications against what she's has on hand and is taking.

Unless your mom has a LTC policy, Medicare/medical insurance isn't going to provide someone to come check on her. Your local ALZ support group or Area Agency on Aging may know if there are programs or grants available in her area. Most families hire such people via a home health agency, care.com or word of mouth. Depending on where she lives, a HHA from an agency is at least $30/hour with a minimum number of shifts scheduled each week-- our contract was for 3 visits/15 hours. IME, this is hard to oversee from a distance, especially as agencies send their newer people to new clients-- we went through several duds initially-- and you may not be aware of folks who don't show up or if your mom chases them away insisting she doesn't need a babysitter. It may be necessary to move mom closer to you (or her current POA) in order to look out for her.

HB

Joy Horstmyer

Thank you to you both. You both gave me great info. There are some things I have begun to do. I suspected having a hha would be an out of pocket expense but will reach out as suggested to see what might be in her area. I really appreciate the support, advice, and kind words!!! Thx

CaliforniaGirl-1

I have not heard the expression "show timing" before. It is perfect.

Mohicque

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find strength and acceptance through the comments and information found on this website.

When it was evident that my Mom needed 24/7 supervision and care, my brother moved in with her. Although he was there 24/7, it was an extreme help to receive Meal on Wheels. They brought one meal a day. They were very good meals. Meal deliverers get a visual on the person and speak to them for a moment or so. For my Mom, the meals were offered through Ohio's Medicare Ohio Dept. of Health, county. Check your state/county aging care services where you live, there may be more services available.

That one meal, helped with time for us to clean soiled linens, clean her room, bathrooms, house and do yard /snow removal work. And most importantly, spend quality time with Mom by going outside, mani-pedi's, puzzles, finger painting, bounce/kick a ball around, and if, she was agreeable …a shower (otherwise it was sponge baths in the morning)

Another great help was putting a camera, with rotation lens, in the house to watch her movements when we had to be outside without her, and one in the bedroom on the floor so we could see if she fell in her bedroom at night.

abirmi

If you are seeing a few signs of trouble with her there are probably a lot more you aren't seeing when you're not with her. Go to a doctor and get her checked out. She'll need a scan.
Some of the first signs of trouble with my mom were: claiming the store didn't have bread or milk, getting lost in the neighborhood, could not remember what you had just said like ALL THE TIME, sleeping A LOT, being REALLY angry when you told her you thought she should go to the doctor, discovering she has lost most of her hearing, discovering she hadn't been to the eye doctor in years and more....
It was at this point I knew she could not be alone.
Go through her purse for insurance info, go to medicare.gov if you can't find any insurance, go to a regular doctor who will do tests, they'll probably refer you out to other specialists, it'll be expensive but get Power of Attorney, and start looking into care, like adult daycare for now and home health care for later. Because I am finding having her here at home is totally consuming my life. I have to have a break once in a while or I'm going to lose it.