I am not an official caregiver

Jean

My oldest and dearest friend has some type of dementia, not officially diagnosed yet, but I would say she's somewhere mid/late stage. She's been very evasive about talking about her medical care until very recently. She lives in assisted living and has no family in the area, and she's largely estranged from her out of town family. So my son (who holds her power of attorney) and I watch out for her interests as best we can.

Her personality has changed drastically, she's gone from being a generally happy, upbeat person to being angry and paranoid. She has delusions about people at her ALF who, as far as I can find out don't exist, menacing her and threatening to kill her cats. She claims to have been severely beaten but doesn't have a mark or a bruise on her. She calls me several times a day with new stories of persecution.

I have no experience in dealing with this kind of illness and I don't know how to respond or what I can do for her beyond visiting her and scheduling and going to medical appointments with her. I'm really at my wits end, right now, because her delusions are escalating. If anybody has any ideas or hints about how best to help her cope with life, I would be very grateful.

M1

welcome to the forum Jean Does your son hold medical power of attorney too? Sounds like that may become important. She needs evaluation, and you may need to know what has been done and what may still need doing.

SDianeL

If your son has the power of attorney he should be able to talk with her doctors and the administrator at the ALF. If she's not in memory care, she should be.

Iris L.

You will probably have to start thinking about re-homing the cats. She probably is not able to care for them properly.

Iris

forbarbara

Official or not, you’re a caregiver. You probably want to have the ALF recognize you as a caregiver and communicate with you more about your LO’s treatment it does sound like she needs MC

when I joined this forum last month I learned a new term - fiblet. I had been feeling badly about shifting from truth-teller to truth-concealer until I learned that it’s a legitimate strategy. Perhaps you could tell your friend that her ‘complaints’ (delusions) are being investigated. She has likely begun to lose her concept of time which means ‘tomorrow’ can become your go-to answer. It might help her feel calmer.