Memory Care/ Positive Message

CaliforniaGirl-1

This is much longer than I intended. But I know many people struggle with guilt when the MC decision is raised. Suffice to say we went through the same heartbreaking and infuriating journey so many people here are going through. Elderly parent who lived alone, at the other side of the country and rejected all help and refused to admit or allow any one to come in, even a few days a week. Several years of worrying, arguing, financial fraud and complete inability of any of us to move forward with our own lives because of our parent's decisions and an impression that even with all the effort and traveling we were just barely making progress. Quiting jobs because of the need to be able to go and help. Worrying every night there would be a call about something awful happening. Even with a POA, your ability to get a LO to accept help or move is virtually nonexistent.

Through a couple of very scary precipitating events we were able to get our LO into AL. We had all these fantasies of how much better it would be: social activities, being able to make friends, someone aware of their well being. . Within a few months the AL people wanted to move my LO to MC.

Like a lot of people we were devastated, we argued and pushed back. It was really hard to let go of the dream we had for a different kind of last years for our LO.

The hardest thing was us accepting it.

But MC turned out not to be the terrible thing we thought. It turned out to be what my LO needs. I am able to have some relationship with them that is not based on frustration and anxiety after years of not. On the other hand, I am sad at seeing their disease progress. But as their doctor said, "the disease will take the course it takes." It is not a rosy situation. There are still days when I get 12 calls a day to complain about the identical thing. And it heartbreaking knowing my LO is aware of the memory deficits and is upset and worried. But it is day and night knowing they are safe, clean, eating, getting their meds and have the option of being around people and making friends.

Anonymousjpl123

This was so incredibly helpful to read. I am really really grateful you posted. Thank you.

mountainloon

This sounds very much like my situation. Thank you

Hope65

Thank you for posting this. As an adult child on the verge of transitioning mom to MC, i found it helpful, and want to validate your feelings. My situation seems similar to yours in a few ways, and my willfulness to acceptance is stronger than i ever would have guessed. Though not rosy, as you say, peace of mind is pretty valuable. I will hold on to that. ☮️❤️🫂

StefanieH

My mom always told me, "If I ever get like that, just put me in a home!" Now that she IS like that, she begs me to not throw her away in an "old folks home." I know she's scared. She's just been widowed for the 2nd time last month. She's anxious. She's alone-ish (I partially moved in with her just a few weeks ago). She knows there's something wrong with her memory, and she can't figure out why. I try to tell her there's nothing she did to make it happen, it just happened.

Earlier this week I had to take my mom to the hospital because she was having some weird sight issues. I'm glad I took her in because it shows she has amyloid protein deposits in her brain which caused a hemorrhagic stroke. Now we need to make sure we keep her blood pressure controlled on the lower side because there's nothing they can do to stop it or cure it. Unfortunately, she likes to get pretty grumpy with me (and only me...), so I'm scared to death of upsetting her and causing a massive stroke! Talk about stressful!

She's not at the point where she needs 24 hour professional care, but she does need someone to be with her 24/7. I would feel so much better if she had someone else other than me to interact with every day. I'll have to quit my job soon once the 12 weeks of FMLA runs out. I love my job. I'm good at my job. But now...this is going to be my more-than-full-time job.

I wish good AL or MC was an option, but I'm sure my mom would not go for it! I'm glad your situation worked out for the best! *hugs*