Restaurants

N00dles · July 2023

Anyone have any recommendations for eating out at a restaurant with an ADLO, middle stage? Whenever we try to go out to eat with my dad, he is incredulous about the prices of food; not to mention having trouble with too many choices on the menu. Mom (his devoted wife of 56 years) helps him; suggesting things she knows he likes (or used to like.)

It is his birthday next week and we would like to celebrate the occasion. I discussed with my mother about possibly contacting the restaurant to have a limited menu presented, but the listed prices would still be the problem. 'Nothing should cost over $5.'

Maybe someone has an idea?

Yes, we are considering just getting take-out and bringing it home, but it's not the same as actually going to a nice sit down restaurant. My mom mentioned, then she'd have to cook.~ which she does all the time, but I am sure would like the break.

Emily 123 · July 2023

I recall watching a video where they pointed out that at some point making decisions about a meal becomes too challenging. Basically you want to remove the decision making from dad, and you want it to be discreet, correct?

Why not check out the menu online and decide what you all want ahead of time--if you still want dad involved you can ask him what sounds nice, but he won't see the prices. If you make a reservation, explain the situation ahead of time to them. Get there a moment before your mom & dad and make sure there are no menus at the table, and tell the staff you'll order for everyone. When mom & dad arrive, tell your dad it's your treat, and you're going to order for everyone from what they chose earlier.

harshedbuzz · July 2023

Dining out is hard for PWD at a certain point and it seems like that's where you find yourself.

Many PWD live in the past and can't process what inflation has done to prices, so it becomes best to protect them from financials of any kind-- menus, bill-paying, investments, advertisements, etc.

As PWD progress, sensory issues can come to the fore especially later in the day during sundowning hours. There will also be difficulty with visual processing of the space in which they find themselves and understanding/participating in conversations with multiple players at a festive family meal.

In the early stages of dementia, dad loved the attention. Mom threw him an 80th birthday party for 50 in about stage 4 and he had a ball. By early stage 5, 6 people in a quiet outdoor restaurant where we ordered for him was doable but 6 months later he couldn't handle it and a year later he couldn't manage 6 adults in his home for Christmas brunch (normally his "best" time of day).

If you think he'd enjoy this, I would do lunch (avoid sundowning hours!!) at a smaller family restaurant and pre-order a meal to be served family style. If it's about giving mom and break, and Lord knows she could probably use one, maybe someone from the family could take care of dad for the evening while you take mom out. I noticed whenever we went out for dinner with dad-- whether to a family dinner or restaurant, she ditched him as soon as she got there. Since he relied on her for scaffolding as "his" person, he often struggled when she sat herself as far away as possible.

HB