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Brens Daughter

calmmorn

Brens Daughter, I am so sorry about your mother. I am also caregiving for my mom. It truly is a heartbreaking journey. It sounds like you are doing the absolute best you can do for your mother. She is so lucky to have you. I am sending you a big hug.

calmmorn

I am also holding your mother in my thoughts and prayers

Brens Daughter

Thank you!

M1

Bren I'm sorry it's a sad time, but I would encourage you not to feel guilty--death comes for all of us eventually in the natural cycle of life, and hospice can be a tremendous help to ease her passing. To me there are far worse things than death. I pray for my partner's release from her sad and tortured life many days. And I will pray for you and your family as well. A very dear wise friend of mine once said that the hardest thing we are asked to do in life is to provide safe passage for someone we love. That is your task now. I hope I can meet the challenge when it comes, too.

solerdr

Bren's Daugher,

I too am sorry that you are having to go through this experience at this point in your life. I can safely bet that many of us never thought we'd have to care for a LO with ALZs. Your mother is lucky to have you to help her and be there for her, even if she does not recognize you deep in her heart she knows you and loves you; she just cannot express it.

I agree with M1's words. I know they may be hard to hear; however, they are a fact of the cycle of life. Like M1, I too was relieved and thankful for my father when he passed away. Relieved and thankful that he would not have to wake up every morning not knowing where he was, not know what was going on with him, not recognizing himself in the mirror, and for not having to experience all of the bad that comes with this horrible disease. Relieved that he would not have to suffer one more day. Additioannly, I was also and still am grateful and thankful for God having chosen that man to be my father.

I was honored to be able to take care of my father at that point in his life. It was my opportunity to give back to him and pay him back for all the time he spent with me and for caring for and taking care of me.

You are not alone and we are here for you.

May God's light guide your day and His spirit bring you peace.

Hope65

My heart truly aches both for you and for all of us who will eventually have to face the literal loss of our LOs to dementia. Your hospice decision was an agonizingly tough one and your feelings of guilt completely understandable. It was also deeply compassionate. Hospice can offer comforting supports that aren't so available elsewhere. My prayers and hugs for you and your mom and other related LOs are on the way. ❤️☮️🫂

Brens Daughter

Thanks everyone!

I am 51 years old and she's 74 My name is Jenny I am one of 5 kids the only girl in the bunch.

cfholley

Hello. I recently joined this community because my mother but I can relate to your emotions related to hospice. My father passed away 2 years after being in hospice care for 6 months (heart related). In many ways, placing him in hospice care was a relief because the inevitability of him dying. It provided an opportunity for dignity and compassion via in home care. He befriended the hospice chapters chaplain and she helped us navigate the emotional/spiritual side of his dying. He also required home health care for ADLs which was separate from hospice. My advice is to not be afraid to ask for emotional support. It sounds like you are doing the best that you can and experiencing “pre-grief” which is real and has its own stages. Wishing you light and comfort.

terei

There is no need to feel guilt about bringing in hospice. There is evidence that people live LONGER when hospice is involved. The idea that hospice shortens lifespan is not accurate. The support my LO and family received from hospice at the end of my parents’ lives was priceless

https://www.hopehealthco.org/blog/the-surprising-truth-some-patients-live-longer-on-hospice-care/

penny831

Oh my goodness. I csn so relate! I came to look for a support group because mom’s doctor suggested hospice. I am delaying it for a few days to emotionally prepare and learn more about it. I feel like this is too big but the doctor appears to think hospice is a good option because mom is not eating. She is getting one infection after another.

BassetHoundAnn

Hello, BrensDaughter, I understand your hurt and grief. My mom has been on hospice for over a year and it's been a wonderful thing for her. And for me. She loves the hospice aids and nurses who visit her. She enjoys their visits and tells me all about them. I love them too because they help me to help her, and they offer great advice. And compassion. They often spot problems that I don't spot. It's been a good thing for both of us. Just because someone with Alz is on hospice doesn't mean death is imminent. Some are on hospice for years. Look at this difficult stage in a positive light: you did a good thing signing your mom up for hospice.

Anonymousjpl123

Hi Brends daughter I am so sorry to hear this. But you are taking good care of your mom and making sure she has care and love. That is what matters. I hope hospice can bring some help. Wishing you comfort and strength.

solerdr

penny831,

Sorry you are at this point in your life. I can relate completely; however, moving your mother to hospice is an act of love. You are her advocate and are going to do what is best for her. Hospice care will allow her to move on with dignity and under the care of some really great people for it takes special people to work in hospice.

Your mother obviously trusted you to make you her POA and to make end of life decisions for her. This is yet another opportunity to show your mother you love her and will do what is best for her.

Oft times we want to hold onto our loved ones for our own reasons, which can be counter to what is best for them. As I said at the beginning of this post I understand for I was the one who had to decide to move my father from prolonging of life care to comfort of life care (i.e., hospice), which was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life; however, I knew that I had to do what was best for my dad and not choose the option for my own selfish reason...wanting to keep him around longer.

I chose comfort of life care and knew that doing so was an act of love.

I will pray for you.

May God's light guide your day and His spirit bring you peace.

Brens Daughter

Thanks so much you are all just awesome and good people on here :-)

I really do appreciate the support and love for each other on here.

Rich Petersen

I am so sorry you're at this stage, I pray that God gives you and your family comfort as only his loving embrace can. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Brens Daughter

Thank you, Rich, :-)