Going backwards

Saradoga

My story is very long. But I’m going to give the short version. 3 years ago my uncle/Godfather came to me and asked me to go to work for him. After him asking me several times and me knowing it would mean so much to my Mom at the time who was very ill. I went to work for him. He had an a strained relationship with all 3 of his children. After I have been working for him for about six months, I reached out to his children to have supper with him and myself . To his children, met for supper I explained that their dad wanted them to be back part of his life and they need to come around more often. It was another year and a half before I heard from his children. At that point my uncle‘s dementia had worsened, and he really didn’t know any of his children. Now that he is in a memory care facility, and he no longer knows anyone they want to bring him home! They now want to chance to be the children that they should’ve been. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place because I promised my mom and my uncle that I would take care of him, think the best thing for him is to stay at the memory care facility. He’s been there a few months now and he’s settled in. He does asked to leave but only to go riding he never asked to go home. His children have been relentless and will not stop. Do you think it’s best for him to stay at the Care facility or should I try to let his children bring him home with 24 Hour around the clock care any advice would be appreciated. I want what is best for my uncle not as best for his kids.

FAHNJL

Call me cynical, but it sounds like his kids don't want their inheritances being spent at his memory care facility.

M1

I think fahnjl is exactly right, this is about the money. Sounds like you have power of attorney? This is when it matters. Do not let them pressure you.

mommyandme (m&m)

I think it depends on if you have the legal authority to make those decisions. If they haven’t spent any time with him, they have no idea what they’re proposing. Sounds pretty ridiculous to me. It’ll probably be more expensive to have 24/7 home care at the level needed…and…I very much doubt it would be best for him. They need to handle their child guilt a different way.

Emily 123

I agree with every post so far. It sounds like what's best for your uncle is to stay in the place where he's started to settle in, especially as he's past the point of recognizing his kids or having the capacity to build a connection with them. That ship has sailed, unfortunately.