Tired of Caring

Wilted Daughter

I am lost and spiraling in caregiving for my 91 yr old mom. My entire life is interconnected with hers. What I do, cannot do, where I go, and cannot go is mostly determined by her needs.

She is in short-term stay/respite, so I can take care of me and I don't look forward to going back to the way things were. Healthcare, agencies on aging, DM, etc. is dreary to me. I know it doesn't have to be but right now where I'm located, and with whom I have to interact is a killjoy.

I know this to shall pass and I don't want to rush tomorrow or my life away but...🙃

M1

any way to turn a short-term stay into a longer one, WD?

Wilted Daughter

It's 6 mos. granted annually. Time is up in Sept. I strive to get it together before then. It's been raining for what seems like months...so it dampers my mood.

Thank you

MP8

Echoing M1 - If you can find a way to turn the respite into longterm AL or MC, it would be worth looking into.

My mother has a 30-day/year respite policy on her long-term care insurance. I started with that (couldn't even think straight while she was here as I was so overwhelmed with trying to keep her safe while also working) and once she was in her respite apartment, I just couldn't face having her come back. It also turns out that she loves the AL facility she is in, so we are moving her to a permanent room.

I still visit her almost every day and spend a lot of time on doctor visits, consultations with staff, getting her insurance in order, coordinating with my brother (DPOA) on her finances, etc. BUT, I can go to the gym, keep my own appointments, have lunch with friends, work without interruption, and don't hover around the kitchen to prevent disasters, to mention a few plusses.

If you do need to have your mother back with you, is there an activity center where she can spend at least some days so that you have time for yourself?

This is a really hard road, but I'm finding that sometimes, the decisions we didn't want to make (like mine, to get my mom out of my house) actually turn out to be positive for everyone.

Hang in there!

D3

My mother is in an apartment with a full time aide. I have been through many aides with her in a short time, and of course, she hates her current aide. I have no idea when the aide will decide she has enough. I am in charge of my mother's meds, her well being, her doctors, etc. I cannot take it at this point. If she can't keep an aide or if her money runs out, I know she cannot come here , it would be a mistake. Just I feel guilty about putting her in a home... I felt guilty originally for insisting she stay in an apartment and not live here, I work part time, and have my set of health problems. That decision , which caused me so much self doubt and guilt, also turned out to be a positive one for me, and my husband.

Wilted Daughter

Thanks for sharing.

I cannot take care of anyone but myself right now, which is what I am doing. As for making decisions based on age...I know of two elderly women who died in their homes/Hospice. One recently at age 100. With the proper planning, support and services various things are possible. It's an individual circumstance (situational) and a process. No one should feel guilty (I no longer do) about making the best decisions they can with the information they have under the specific situation.

Caregiving like aging is not for the faint of heart. Decisions should be made precisely and not a whim while exhausted. I am on respite for 6 mos. and simply posted my mood. Moods, emotions change but people not so much.

I know how much gas is in my tank and look forward to better days. Nothing last forever although sometimes things last longer than expected or hoped. 😉