I made a mistake…

Anonymousjpl123

I made a huge mistake. Fortunately mom and I are ok. I don’t know what possessed me (denial, wishful thinking), but after she insisted I let her take a (very short) cab ride to the animal shelter. She did great; even picked up supplies at the nearby pet store. I was on the phone with her as she looked at cats. Told her to take her time. After a time, she called and said the shelter wanted to talk to me about “which would be the best cat.” When I got on the phone, they said she was “having trouble picking a cat, we think you should help her pick one.”

A savvier/less in denial adult daughter would have caught on. Spoiler alert: they wouldn’t let my mom adopt a cat (good on them) because of her memory issues. I was struck by the stupidity of my actions. I truly meant well. I thanked them with my eyes. We left quickly.

I asked what she wanted to do - go home together, my house, or dinner. She said dinner. She actually said “maybe I do have memory issues. Others have said things.”

We had a really good conversation, as well as these things can go. It shocked me that she was able to talk about it, if only for moments. I told her it may be we can actually do something about it. That’s why we went to the neurologist. She said it made sense.

Then later, after a nice dinner, she said “what if they can’t do anything for this. Does it just get worse and we don’t do anything?”

How do you even answer this? I said “No, I think there are lots of things we can do.” And now, as I settle into this new reality, I suppose there must be.

M1

well, lesson learned I guess. I am glad no harm came of it and actually it sounds somewhat productive. Don't expect her to remember the dinnertime conversation however.

Quilting brings calm

Mom and I have these conversations every so often. I never let on that she is going to get worse. I just always call it memory issues and that everyone gets it as they get older. I explain that’s what her medication is for. Of course I can’t control what the AL staff tell her.

Anonymousjpl123

We got very lucky that it didn’t turn out much, much worse and yes it was sort of productive. I guess it’s sinking in what we’re all up against.

I want to be there for her, try to find things she can enjoy, look forward to, but there are other ways.

Quilting I like your approach a lot.

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Anonymousjpl123

Yes. Her life is definitely very much in the present. But the life force is strong in her and she is fighting to hold on to whatever memory and agency she has, which isn’t much, which is really hard.