Move my Mom closer?

Smartin757

My Mom is on the verge of mild Alzheimers (according to her doctor it’s still mild cognitive decline, yet her short term memory is atrocious and will forget things I tell her 10 minutes prior).

my issue is that I’m her only family member. I live 3+ hours away. She doesn’t have anyone where she lives, except a couple of friends (who I can’t rely on for much).

the other concern is that she barely has any money, so if I move her closer she may lose her yard which she loves. Rent is high here, and she can’t move in with me since she has two large dogs and I have young kids.

is it riskier to keep her long distance (and slightly more isolated, yet she knows the area, likes her home), or move her closer where we can see her a little more, but in a home she won’t love and an area that she probably can’t drive anymore…with no friends. Will moving her potentially cause greater / faster decline? Should I just deal with distance as long as she can live alone? Appreciate the listening ear. I’m so tired and this is just beginning.

jfkoc

The bottom line is that at some pointyour mother is not going to be able to live alone. The question is when do things change. If you bring in help it will bevery expensive. If you opt for a facility it will be very expensive. If you place your mother where she is you will still be 3 hours away and will be on call. Placing her where she is and then moving her close to you will take a toll on her.

I would certainly be prepared to bring her close to you. It is never too soon to consider Assisted living. You want to have your plan B in place if/when the emergency occurs.

-Judith

Quilting brings calm

==I’m so tired and this is just beginning.==

This exhaustion is the reality for all of us. This is a marathon, not a sprint and you have a long long road ahead of you. Move her closer to you- her friends will not be dependable as she progresses. She will do better in an AL facility with meals, laundry, housekeeping, and with on site activities with others than living by herself. a supportive living is similar to AL, and is for low income individuals.

She will see you more often and you can be present in your own life. This is vitally important as this marathon can destroy your marriage if you let it. Especially if you are ‘it’ as many of us turn out to be.

Your choice of facilities will be limited by the dogs. At some point, she won’t be able to care for them and they will need to be re-homed. My parents were able to care for their small dog in the AL for quite a while, but eventually they could not.

In addition, it’s very hard to care for people with MCI or dementia from 3 hours away. Doctor and hospital visits become more frequent. Our loved ones make up emergencies just to get you there. It’s too far away to be doing that on a weekly basis Some caregivers who were still working have had to retire early from the stress