That’s how we roll

forbarbara

Too funny - at least that’s how I’m spinning it. MIL went to the ER yesterday after a fall (she keeps forgetting she can’t just get out of her wheelchair), so we spent a couple of hours together. No broken bones or other problems, but she does have a UTI. Her first in recent years.

I was surprised by the UTI because she’s been less confused lately. Or so I thought. But after chatting with some of the MC folks I realized she’s just as confused - but I’ve gotten so used to it, I think it’s normal! Her new normal or mine? lol.

GothicGremlin

But after chatting with some of the MC folks I realized she’s just as confused - but I’ve gotten so used to it, I think it’s normal!

I hear you, @forbarbara I've had that same thought with my sister. Sometimes I have no idea what she's trying to say, and sometimes, because I'm so attuned to her, I know what she means even if no one else does. And yep, she's just as confused as everyone else. Funny how we adapt to our new normals.

forbarbara

As long as we’re still laughing Or at least chuckling.

Rocky2

Forbarbara,

What a great perspective. You choose to smile and try to find the humor in an often difficult or unpleasant situation. Way to go!

Ed1937

When you learn how to laugh instead of cry, that makes it a tiny bit easier. Good for you. Great attitude!

forbarbara

I’ve made so many new friends over at the MCF - and I’m learning a new language too. Yesterday I was chatting with MIL and pretty soon we had more people join us. We had a pretty good conversation and it struck me how much I’m learning about them and how well I’m able to follow dementia-speak. I guess you never stop learning!

forbarbara

Repeat after me: it doesn’t matter what the rest of the family does or says or thinks. I am doing me, and I love this PWD.

forbarbara

Just when my LO needs it, hospice comes along to offer her palliative care. They offer so much to me too - I think of it as palliative mental health care!

forbarbara

Hugs are so universal.

I have gotten to know several of the MC residents at MIL’s facility. I always say hi and chat a bit with those who like to chat. Yesterday as I was leaving, I kissed MIL goodbye and her friend got up and gave me a hug. I’m still carrying that hug with me.

GothicGremlin

I'm sort of like you @forbarbara When I go to see Peggy in memory care, I'll say hi to whoever is around, and chat a bit with the ones who want to talk a little more. Some of the residents associate me with Peggy, most don't, but it doesn't matter. We're all just hanging out. 🙂

mommyandme (m&m)

forbarbara, so glad to hear you’ve got hospice palliative care on board.

forbarbara

Just a little venting here - it is sooo hard to do this all by myself. No family support. Thank god for this online community where I can share my ups and downs and find comfort. Thank you all for listening.

End of vent.

TrumpetSwan

Forbarbara - I agree it is great to have this online forum to share ups and downs. I relate to this thread about adjusting to the "new normal" of our own.

I sort of also find that talking to others in a similar condition as my mother may help them, but it actually also really helps me. I feel like it is building a community for myself. It surprised me to realize I actually found comfort from being with them. I guess it may be hard for others to understand.

This forum is great to share practical wisdom and experience, but there is a very real intangible aspect of emotions with this disease that also need to be tended to in my opinion.

Thank you for sharing.

forbarbara

I never expected this - I’m actually finding respite with my MIL at her MC facility. When I visit we chat a little but mostly just watch movies in the community room together. MC must own stock in the Hallmark channel! Anyway I find it very quiet and calming. Who’d have thunk??

GothicGremlin

Ha! I agree - I see a lot of Hallmark stuff at Peggy's MC facility too. Although .... last time I was there it was sparkly vampires (the Twilight movies). Peggy loves 'em, but me? Not so much. 😄

eaglemom

What an absolutely great perspective. Her normal, your normal, someone else's normal or what even is normal?

Thanks for sharing.

eagle

JJ401

The Memory Care my MIL was in did not have regular/cable available in the main areas. (They did have cable, with select channels, available in the rooms and you could provide a tv.) They had monitors and DVDs, mostly musicals, which played over and over.

Five years later, after MILs death, DH's sister was admitted to the same facility. DH and I joked about which DVD would be playing on our first visit. It was the one he picked.

Now sister is gone, and realistically, eventually DH will need to be placed. This is one of the best facilities in the area and will be at the top of my list. But, I'm not sure how many more times I can watch 'Meet Me in St Louis'

forbarbara

today I learned the difference between a Broda chair and a wheelchair and how to buy one. Since I was stuck, I tried the ALZ helpline - my first time calling them. They were very helpful and I have it sorted now. And I’ll remember the helpline next time!

forbarbara

Several relatives of MIL have contacted me - haven’t heard from any of them in months - asking what they can give MIL for Christmas. Translation: what they can send to me so I can take it to MIL at MC, help her open it, explain what it is, explain who sent it. Repeat as needed.

I could use a nice bottle of wine or some flowers in appreciation of my steadfast attention, visits with MIL to emergency room, dealing with MC, hospice, insurance etc, financial management. Hey Santa - how ‘bout it??

GothicGremlin

@forbarbara Hey, when you run into that particular Santa will you put in a good word for me? 😄 I could use a few of those same things.

forbarbara

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/191518#Comment_191518

Sure! And if we’re being honest, I’d really like a bottle of single malt!