Very new to this

Mrs Bates

My husband was diagnosed with mild vascular dementia with mood disturbance last week. He's 59. We also learned that he had a stroke at some time. The doctor said the CT scan couldn't tell us when, but I believe it was related to his hospitalization in October. He was 58 at the time. He has behaved differently every since. I'm not really sure what to say here. My SIL recommended this group She said it would be a good place for me to vent and hopefully get advice on dealing with our situation.

Ed1937

Mrs. Bates, welcome. Sorry you have a need for a forum like this, but it is a good one. Here is a good link to get you started. https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/1/understanding-the-dementia-experience#hlangandcommun  

Two things you should do ASAP. See a CELA (certified elder law attorney) to make sure you have all the legal stuff covered, such as DPOA for everything, and they will be able to protect a lot of assets you have. This is really important. The other thing is to apply for disability for him. At his age, he will qualify for Medicare and disability payments. Medicare will not begin right away, so you need to get it done soon. If you wait too long, you will no doubt be sorry.

If you have any specific concerns you need help with or just want to vent, this is the place to do it. You will get a lot of support and understanding here.

Jo C.

Hello Mrs. Bates and a very warm welcome to you. I am sorry for what is happening and can imagine the dynamics. You are managing well as can be and have taken a good step by seeking more connections and information. There is much experiential wisdom and support to be found on Alzconnected, and we are delighted to make your acquaintance.

In all probability, seeing a good Neurologist who also sees patients with dementia as a routine part of his/her practice can do a complete Neuro workup to determine just what is actually present and begin to format a management approach as a baseline. You may already have done that. It is also an emotional situation with such unexpected changes in one's life. We are all here in support of one another and that now includes you too. We all start on the first rung of the learning ladder and those here who are farther along on their journeys are good guides to have.

While you are getting the specialist exams and workup for treatment approach for what is present or not present and how one needs to move forward, it is good to swiftly ensure that all your legal paperwork is in good standing. While that sounds not exactly a pressing issue; it actually is. Having a Trust, DPOAs for both Healthcare and Finance, and Advance Directives and other legal issues in place is very important.

Seeing an Elder Law Attorney is the best approach and one can get all legal issues in line and position oneself as best can to protect oneself and one's estate in the future AND to get it complete while your husband can still effectively sign legal documents. We learn this sort of thing the hard way which is why we recommend this gets done as soon as possible.

It is such a stunning place to find oneself and our life as we had expected it to be it to be takes a sudden turn; but as unsettling as that is; we find we are stronger than we thought and we learn and cope.

One thing: As you read the different Posts, just remember that not all persons with dementia have the same problems, behaviors, issues or paths. Each person with dementia is different from the next. I often relate that my step-dad who had a 20 year course of Alzheimer's at 93 could still shower, was continent, could dress himself and eat at the table independently. Only thing was that his short term memory was terrible along with poor judgment. Other family members had different courses in a wide range of variables.

Having a home with routine and structure is the ticket to success. Change and upheaval without routine can cause issues for our Loved Ones (LOs) as the dementia progresses. Be sure to build your support team - family, friends, church, doctor's, a good dementia specialist, support groups, etc. All of that is so very helpful to those providing care.

The Alzheimer's Assn. has a 24 Hour Helpline 365 days a year and can be reached at (800) 272-3900.. There is no fee for this. If you should call, ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant. These lovely folks are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics. They have helpful information and can often assist us with our problem solving. And read, read, read and educate yourself. It is very helpful as one moves through the different time frames.

So hope you continue to come and share as well as read, as said, you are now here in support and that is a very good thing.

J.