Absorbing the news

Jackie_K

Hello community - I posted not too long ago about having trouble getting an appointment for my mom to get a diagnosis. Everyone was giving us appointment dates a year+ out, and I could not imagine waiting that long as my mom has been worrying us for a while.

I did finally find a private practice that was able to take her this month, and we learned yesterday that she is indeed in the early stages of Alzheimer's. They did recommend that she stop driving and that we start to think about what some type of home care could look like.

We haven't told my mom this yet as I did not want her to be alone when this news was shared. My brother and I are able to visit her this weekend and will share the news in person. I am dreading this.

This news was expected, but I am still surprised at the range of emotions I am feeling and how difficult this is to absorb.

I guess I am not really asking a question, just sharing with a group of people who understands.

Thanks everyone.

M1

Hi Jackie. This kind of news is hard to hear and even harder to share. It's too bad the doctors didn't tell her in person, sometimes it has more impact when it's from a white coat. Two thoughts: have low expectations, this may not be an "aha"moment for her, as she may either not understand what you're saying, or she may have anosognosia, where she truly can't recognize the deficits and thinks she's fine. So I would anticipate that she may protest, especially about the driving. Be prepared to take the keys/car or disable it if you have to. Second thought it that even if she acknowledges what you say in the moment, she'll forget it quickly and not remember the conversation the next day.

Keep us posted how it goes. One of you needs to get power of attorney for her if you don't already have it. And best not to split: the person doing the caregiving should be the one with the power of attorney. Make an appointment with a certified elder law attorney if you don't already have these things in place.

Jackie_K

Thank you so much, @M1 . Yes, it's hard all around. The place where we took her for testing was a bit of a drive, and my mom hates going to unfamiliar places, so we scheduled the feedback / results call by video as it was a huge struggle to get her to go get tested in the first place. In hindsight I should not have done that, knowing what the news was likely to be. The doctor requested to talk to me first before we talked to my mom and I made the decision not to tell her that day - she would be alone, it would upset her, and then she would forget a few minutes later but still feel horribly upset without knowing why. It just felt kinder to delay.

We do have an appointment with her regular doctor next week and I have asked her to deliver the news on driving.

POA is definitely next on the list. I talked to an elder care attorney, but they wanted a note from her doctor regarding her capacity, and the doctor wouldn't write it until we got her tested. So now I feel like I can get all of that stuff in motion...

I am most worried about getting in home care set up but trying to take it one step at a time here. Digesting this news and taking away her car feel like big enough hurdles for today.