How to help my friend navigate dementia.

Gretchen

My 77 yo friend has signs of dementia. Her family is ignoring it. She drives her car to and from destinations > 30 miles. I am so worried. How can I help?

Iris L.

Welcome, Gretchen. I think you must first understand about anosognosia. This is a characteristic of dementia that keeps the PWD (person with dementia) from realizing that she is declining cognitively. The PWD truly believes she is fine. If you confront her with reality, she will resist and become upset. This is why another person, usually a family member, will have to take the initiative to get the PWD to medical care to check for medical diseases that mimic dementia.

In the less common instance that your friend does not have anosognosia, then you could encourage her to seek medical attention. Many dementia mimics are treatable if caught in time. Also, many common medications cause memory loss and other cognitive changes in older adults as side effects.

Contacting her family with a thoughtful listing of your observations might work. But, it might also not work. Some families don't want to be bothered. But don't force them. Many people just are not capable of being reliable caregivers.

You might contact Adult Protective Services. She might be eligible for a court appointed guardian if things are very bad.

Other members will have more to add. You can also call the Helpline at 1-800-272-3900 and ask to speak with a Care Consultant. One is available 24 hours a day and the consultation is free. You will get advice for your specific situation.

Iris

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SDianeL

My DH was diagnosed 2 years ago. I noticed it but he didn't. I contacted his primary care doctor & asked for a memory test at his next visit. That didn't go well and she referred him to a Neuro Psychologist for the 3 hour evaluation. After that evaluation, they called me and said that he had severe visuospatial difficulties and could not judge space, time, speed or distance. She said he should no longer drive. She said that if he were in an accident even if it wasn't his fault we could be sued and lose everything. If you can meet with her family privately and explain this to me and give them examples of her memory loss maybe that would help and they could speak to her doctor. My DH refused to stop driving but when I explained what the doctor said he reluctantly agreed. He has progressed to the point that he can no longer read or sign papers. I'm glad I got a DPOA immediately after his diagnosis. Had I waited it would have been more difficult. You can also tell that to the family. If she gets to the point where she can't understand what she's reading or signing they will have to go through the court to get guardianship after having her declared incompetent. That might get their attention. She could also be losing money to scam artists and them not know it. I would scare the family if I had to. Better than her being in a accident.