Today’s Chuckle

PookieBlue

An old lady calls 911 late one night… The dispatcher answers “911, what is your emergency?” “There appear to be two men rummaging through my shed.” “A breaking and entering? We’ll have an officer over in an hour.” “An hour? But they won’t be here in an hour. They’re breaking and entering now.” “Ma’am, no officers are available right now. We’ll send a squad car by in an hour.” The old lady hangs up, then calls back a few minutes later. “911, what is your emergency?” “I’m the lady who called about the two men breaking into my shed. You don’t have to send anyone. I shot them.” Within a few minutes, there are police all over her yard. The men are apprehended, and the commanding officer on the scene goes up to take the woman’s statement. “One other thing… I thought you told the 911 dispatcher that you had shot the men?” The woman replies, “And I thought the 911 dispatcher had told me that there were no officers available.”

Ed1937

😁 Smart old lady.

Jo C.

Very funny; thank you for a much needed chuckle.

J.

toolbeltexpert

Yep I needed that so here is another one

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs , but he's hidin' it there.'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd... did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

White Crane

Thank you both for the chuckle.

PookieBlue

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida. "I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many years, made lots of money. But now the market is changing, cheap imported furniture is taking over. My company ran at a loss for a couple of years, and I didn't know what to do. And then one night there was a fire, and the whole damn factory burned down. I could have built a new factory with the insurance money, but you know, I figured I was old enough that it was time to retire. So I just took the insurance money, and here I am." "Wow," said the second man. "That's so similar to my story. I had a factory that built speedboats. Lots of success for many years, made lots of money. But speedboat technology keeps changing faster and faster, and I wasn't keeping up, and I started to lose money. Then one day there was an earthquake, and the factory building collapsed! Luckily I was insured, just like you, and I decided to retire, 'take the money and run', and now here I am." The first man gazed wide-eyed at the second man for several seconds, Then, in a low voice, he asked, "How do you arrange an earthquake?"

happy Friday! Keep it shaking if you can....

White Crane

Good one!

PookieBlue

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories. In the classroom the next day, Joe told his story first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket." "Very good," said the teacher. Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched." "Excellent!" said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far. Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Kay. Aunt Kay was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete." "Go on," said the teacher, intrigued. "Aunt Kay drank the whiskey on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?" "Stay away from Aunt Kay when she's drunk

And the moral of the story is ...... Happy Tuesday

Ed1937

😁 Love it.

Denise1847

Loved them all. Thank you.