How to motivate PWD

Terri 2.0

My 69 yo DH is currently diagnosed with MCI. He has no motivation to do anything now that DIY projects are out of the picture (due to him breaking whatever he's trying to fix).

He was excited to go shopping for some games that his Dr. had recommended, along with a puzzle. He also wanted some crossword puzzles and word finds, along with a deck of cards. That was 10 days ago.

I write on the whiteboard daily schedule "game time", and he seems excited. Then a little later, he'll say he's too busy to play games, go for a walk, have a picnic, etc.

DH usually sits at the kitchen island watching old westerns, or is outside smoking for an hour or more. Then it's time for a 3 hour nap. If he sits in the living room with me, he falls asleep.

How can I encourage him to interact with me for walks, games, etc.?

Ed1937

"Doctor said that after we take a walk, we can go for an ice cream cone". Or come up with anything that will sound good to him. Some type of food typically has a good chance. But "We have to do (whatever) first". Might be worth a try.

Iris L.

PWDs cannot be motivated. PWDs gradually lose the ability to initiate on their own. You may get a PWD to follow you If you initiate a task. Your PWD may indeed seem excited about a task, but be unable to follow through. This is what dementia is. This is impaired executive functions, cannot follow multiple steps.

Iris

SDianeL

Have you ruled out depression? My sister has dementia & they put her on some medication that helped a bit. I've found my DH likes to read the newspaper. I don't know how much he remembers but it seems to calm him. Also magazines about cars. I also ask him to help with simple tasks like dusting, doing the dishes (hand wash), organizing the pantry. Going for a ride for an ice cream helps to get him out but it's very stressful for me because he makes me nervous with his obsession about every little bump in the road (of which there are many). Some other tips. Not everything works. https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/daily-care/activities#:~:text=Keep%20the%20person's%20skills%20and,of%20skills%20into%20daily%20activities.

M1

I think Iris is right, it's very hard to overcome the loss of executive function that goes with dementia. Perhaps if you do it with him, but don't expect a lot. My partner was an excellent artist, and we'll sit down at a little table for her to "teach me to draw," but she doesn't accomplish much. Every now and then a little bit, but it's phenomenal/astounding to watch how much she can't do. We sat down to draw a bluebird Sunday afternoon, and she futzed around with the pencils and erasers all afternoon. Bird never did get drawn, but she had a good time, and that was the most important thing.

Dio

I have completely lost my power to incite DH to do anything. Nothing, absolutely nothing, aroused his interest. Last year around this time I was still able to get DH to watch his favorite TV shows, change the water in his beloved saltwater aquarium tank, make coffee in the morning, light house chores, and enjoy eating out. Then he just sat there all day not wanting to leave the house or do anything. After placement in MCF, the first month or so, DH actively engaged and participated in the activities. Now, just barely 3 months later, he wants to do nothing but lie awake in his bed. I don't mean to discourage you from trying. I just want to share my journey and help you prepare for what may be happening.

storycrafter

It's very hard to observe the loss of motivation in my previously brilliant, extremely capable and talented spouse. Observing his apathy is a constant practice of grief, mourning, and letting go. After many, many years of his slow progression with dementia/FTD, I have learned to let go of attempting to motivate my husband, and have let go of any expectation that projects will ever be completed.

I have accepted I cannot fix it for him and there is no cure for what ails him. I do listen and encourage him, without expectation, when he talks about something. I commiserate with him when he laments his inability to follow through; also acknowledge and empathize when he expresses frustration and discouragement regarding projects (he is aware, high functioning, and does not have anosognosia). I am fortunate that simply doing the above - listening, acknowledging, reassuring, encouraging, making kind comments, asking a simple question now and then which I know he can answer, etc., calms him markedly.

Sometimes...sometimes, something somehow works and he can get one thing done, or he will do something that cheers him up for a short time before falling back into apathetic inertia. I celebrate those rare moments and know how special they are. At the same time I've learned to not let false hope in. It only sets me up for disappointment when he returns to his norm.

It's sometimes worth trying to engage him in an activity. Once in a while he will rise to it. On a good day, in a good moment, he likes to feel helpful. When I have the energy and wherewithall I sometimes make the effort. If it works, fabulous. If not, I let it go. Sometimes I can do it gracefully. Sometimes I cry privately and vent in my journal, or call a friend.

Best wishes to you. You are not alone....

Jeff86

In addition to the spot-on observations above, it’s important to understand that apathy is a characteristic of AD as it progresses. PWDs lose interest in their environment, in activities they used to enjoy, in just about everything. You’ll have to serve as the activities director for your PWD, but you’ll also need to accept that much of the time it may be challenging to engage your DH.

Terri 2.0

Thank you everyone for some great information. That explains a lot of DH's behavior for the last year or two. I'll just have to accept him being in permanent relax mode. Right now I don't much care for him sitting there watching while I do the chores that he used to do.

He is on Zoloft now, and it's made an amazing difference. He's less stressed, angry, and much calmer, less anxiety.

I learn something new everyday here.