Adult Day Care

Drapper

I am having a difficult time. I really wanted my 75 year old DH to join a local adult day care. JCC on Long Island. I was so hoping that I could have respite and he could get more socialization. I have been loosing my patience and temper lately which doesn’t help. I’m feel like I’m going down a rabbit hole with him

he had his second visit to try it out yesterday and basically they don’t want him there. He just wasn’t fitting in. They said he got up too many times to leave activities they were going to do. He got anxious snd they don’t have the capacity/staff to redirect. He wasn’t compliant enough basically He is still in good physical shape so he can be very active I was surprised they were so quick to deny him. I would think it takes time for someone to adjust .

Neurologist has him on klonopin. It does seem like it is helping , with stress , but not enough I guess. . I feel like there is no way out of this nightmare.

does anyone else have experience with adult day care. I really thought this was going to help me. I’m very disappointed.

ghphotog

I take my DW to daycare several days a week. She doesn't know where she is until we pull up to it then she gets upset. Always a bit of drama when we arrive but once she gets in the door they greet her with big smiles and usher her on in. Then I play golf or try to work a bit. We are still not into a routine yet and it goes by so fast that before I know it I need to pick her up. I'm fortunate that once she's in the door she has fun and is engaged for the most part. Sometimes she cries not knowing where I am but the staff are good at redirecting her.

Ed1937

Is it possible to try another day care? It sounds like they were too eager to pull the plug.

Drapper

yes, They did seem very eager to pull the plug. The first time he was there to try it out , my DH had a minor urine leak, while they were exercising, which they noticed, as he had light pants on. They made me take him home for that. (It was very minor). It bothered me how they acted about it. Then I tried a second time …. Maybe another program would be more accommodating.

MN Chickadee

Wow, this was not my experience with adult day care at all. Ours was very patient and ready to meet each client where they were at. Most PWD are anxious the first few weeks there and they were very used to that. My mother spent the first month trying to escape, pacing around refusing to do the activities and they re-directed and sometimes had her call me so I could reassure her she was where she was supposed to be and I would pick her up later. They found stuff she was willing to do and started slow in coaxing her out of her shell. The staff were the ones reassuring me. "She'll adjust, just give it more time" because they had seen it a thousand times before. They expected incontinence and had a CNA and LPN on staff who helped with toileting and those kinds of personal care. It sounds like this place is not equipped for most PWD, I would shop around. Expect the first few weeks to be rough, just give it time. We ended up telling mom she volunteered there and eventually that took. She came to adore going and it was a life saver for many years.

mommafour

I agree with MN Chickadee - this adult day care does not seem to be trained or have experience with PWD. My DH tried adult day care a few months ago. The first day there were several activities and he enjoyed the socialization. He was happy to return the second day but when I picked him up he was agitated and didn't like it. He said all he did was sit around and watch TV all day. It was "movie day" which likely meant a slow activity day. Unfortunately, that left a bad impression with him because no matter what I have tried, he refused to get out of bed, get dressed, or get in the car to go back. Just opposite of your adult day care experience, our day care had many suggestions to convince him to return and said any time we want to try again he will still have a spot open, even though he was non-compliant.

Jeanne C.

The one my husband attends is run by Easter Seals. It's a small program and they have clients with a variety of cognitive issues. They plan for incontinence (all clients have a change of clothes, some use diapers, and they have showers for "just in case"). My DH doesn't love crafts so they engage him in being the "supply helper", to ease him in. Maybe search for another center?

harshedbuzz

Is this a more general day program for seniors rather than one designed to provide dementia-appropriate care?

Is he taking Klonopine as needed or on a daily basis? I, personally, wouldn't want to use a benzo for mood or anxiety outside of a situational setting or to assist with mood as an SSRI or antipsychotic is being started but isn't quite at a therapeutic level.

Ed1937

"Is this a more general day program for seniors rather than one designed to provide dementia-appropriate care?" I just did a search for JCC Long Island. I'm not sure I found the right place, but if I did, it looks nothing at all what most of us would expect a day care program to be. IOW, not dementia related.

harshedbuzz

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/178263#Comment_178263

It looks like the one in Greenvale has significant options not just for seniors with dementia, but also for those with EO as young as 30s and 40s which is very unusual.

Jo C.

Hello Drapper, I am sorry for what happened and it must have been so surprising to have that happen; I can certainly understand your disappointment. That does tell me that the daycare he was in was definitely not one that had the set up nor training necessary to serve persons with dementia (pwd). Your husband's behavior was not out of the ordinary for a pwd; especially when in a new setting and feeling a bit anxious. They did not serve him well at all.

I have found that each adult daycare is different from the next and it does take some screening before finding a good fit. Some will specialize in pwd; some will assist with toileting and some are also capable and willing to manage incontinence. Some are private pay only; some have a sliding scale for fees, some accept Medicaid, others do not.

It would be good to speak to the director of any new setting on the phone and ask about their program, how they operate and what they do and do not accept, and then make a visit to the site while it is in session.

Sometimes, a LO, (loved one), will balk at attending such a setting, but as time moves forward, there is often acceptance. Some of the Daycare will actually work with the "story" that the pwd is coming to work there as a volunteer or even an employee. They will usually let the person do small items such as folding towels, setting tables, moving a few chairs, or other small work so they feel productive.

Do keep looking; you may find a good fit that in time will turn out to be a positive for the both of you.

If this becomes not doable, perhaps it would be helpful to hire a "companion/friend" to be with him telling him it is a new friend. That person can engage him in activity, take walks, do small creative things, watch TV together, and mostly socialize. I did this for a LO three days a week and it made a difference. Many times such a kindly mature person can be found through a place of worship, or senior center. Just one more thing to think about

I send best wishes your way for success to you can get some peaceful restorative time. Let us know how it is going, we will be thinking of you.

J.

Drapper

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. It really helped me feel better

The JCC program in east hills that he attended was specifically for younger Alzheimer’s /dementia. (Although they have a very robust senior center/gym in same facility ) They don’t group by early , middle specifically. It’s unusual and was recommended to me by a social worker who met my husband and was familiar with the JCC. She felt he would fit in as he is pretty active physically. They even go to basketball courts to play around. However , I did feel that many of the others may have been in an earlier stage than my DH. They had an older age program , that was less active , but felt he would not fit in with them either as they were much less active. Watching tv etc.

i was quite disappointed in the whole thing. I expected them to work more with him to acclimate him too. Maybe it is a staffing issue. I will look for another place in a couple of weeks The whole situation stressed me out more than it stressed out my DH

my DH does have a male companion 4-5 hours one day a week who takes him to golf driving range and lunch. He will not give me more time as he does other work. I’m looking for someone else. Hard to find males.

His neurologist has him on klonopin as a daily thing. To control anxiety. Not situational. Low dosage. 2x a day. It is long lasting not like other Benz, It was started with Zoloft but Zoloft is not working, so was stopped. . I think the klonopin may need to be changed. Im trying to get in to see a geriatric dr. also. seeing neurologist next week

never a dull moment (I would love dull at this point ) thank you all

tigersmom

Drapper, it sounds to me like this facility just doesn't have it together to care for PWD. As has been noted above, all your DH's behaviors are very much standard issue. My husband still has separation anxiety and gets up all the time, and he's been going for six months now. He also had one full-fledged urinary accident. Their response? No problem. Bring us an extra pair of pants and underwear to keep here. Please don't feel too discouraged and look for a better place instead. The people at my DH's facility are the kindest, most caring and patient people I have ever seen. I am happy to take him there, and leave him in their care, every time -- not just because I get a little time off, but because it is truly better for him. He comes home happy every afternoon.

Drapper

tigersmom - wish his place was on long island. Very limited number of places here.

tigersmom

Drapper, how far out are you? My DH's place is in Queens. If you prefer to message me instead, that's fine, too.