Wife rejects medications

pianotech

My wife has Alzheimer's, in the moderate stage at least. It has gotten a lot worse in the past six months. She argues about taking medications and sometimes refuses, and says she's tired of me and everyone telling her what to do. She gets very angry about this. Sometimes (like now) she has bad back pain and won't get out of bed all day. If I can get her to take some tylenol and sit up in bed she feels better in a while and gets up and does things, but she won't listen to reason most of the time. Says she feels sick a lot. Getting hard to handle. Her primary care doc gave her a referral to a geriatrician but I don't know if I can get her to go. Also, looking ahead, I'd appreciate any suggestions for a good memory care place (in-patient) on the east side of Cincinnati.

Last Dance

FROM: Last Dance Getting a loved one to take medication or to go see a doctor can be a struggle. I learned very quickly that if I wanted my wife to go to the doctor, I would say that I was going to the doctor, and that I wanted her to go with me, when we got there the doctor would just kind of take over and it seemed to work out for me. Of course, you have to have a doctor that knows what’s going on, and one who knows how to handle the situation. Also when she didn't want to take medication I found out if I would put it in some ice cream or pudding that I could get her to take it that way. This only works for pills that you can crush up.

M1

Many of us have told our LO that the doctor's visit (any doctor's visit) is now required by Medicare or you'll lose insurance. She likely won't know any different, so tell her that. As to medications, ask her doc to review what's essential and what's not, eliminate any that aren't absolutely needed. Ask about liquid formulations, too, that you could mix in drinks or milkshakes (there is liquid Tylenol, for example). Another thing that works sometimes is to make pill-taking a joint activity--here honey, it's time to take our pills, these are yours and these are mine....

Ed1937

My wife gave me a problem with taking meds too. I just agreed that most of these meds weren't needed, but we couldn't stop taking them without the doc's permission. I always complained about taking them when it was time for hers. We'd take them together. But yes, I agree to see which ones you can do without.

RickM

If possible, email the doctor before the appointment. List the symptoms that you are observing. Be specific. If email is not available, bring a written summary of your concerns for the doctor to read. You may not want to verbally express your concerns to the doctor in front of your wife if you think that will cause her to react negatively towards you. OTOH, when my brother took our dad to the doctor, explained to him what was happening, and our dad "blew up" in the doctor's office, the doctor gave us the letter of incapacitation that we needed to activate the DPOA. He was reluctant before hand. This was not pretty.

It's great that you got a referral to a geriatrician. There is a shortage of them. Getting the right meds is important and can take some time to figure out the ones that work the best. You will have to work closely with the doctor and try to figure out what medications work and how to get your wife to take the medication.

I am lucky. My wife seems to accept her dementia and, even, wants to take her medication. I've tried to make her believe that we need to do all we can to fight the disease.

My wife has continued to decline and is in late state 6. I placed her in memory care 2 months ago after an encouraging respite stay. Yeah, I've got a lot more freedom and a lot less stress now, and I don't have to care 24/7, but...it's still tough, a lot of emotional baggage to sort through. And you still have to make sure she is getting the care that she deserves. Did I mention expensive?

Best wishes.