Should I forgo getting a new pet?

annie51

My DH is Stage 5 and I struggle to keep him occupied, as there are not many things he wants to do or can do. I try to think of places to go, things to do, or errands to run but it's still difficult to fill up the many hours of many days. I had been thinking about getting a cat (we've never had a pet but talked about this a couple years back). I thought this might be a good distraction for him when he's bored and would be comforting also. But seeing some of the comments about some PWD's in the later stages, I wonder if it's a bad idea to do this now. Any insight?

terei

I would not get a pet. The posts I have read talk about over feeding, trip hazard, PWD eating pet food, + sometimes roughness handling pet or outright aggression.

My mom loved her poodle but could not remember to feed it or overfed it, gave it diarrhea from giving people food, could not be patient with any barking + ignored it when it cued her it wanted to go out + we had two incidents of my mom handling the dog, not washing hands + getting diarrhea, I assume from e. coli. Fun times. Then it is REALLY hard to rehome animals.

ThisLife

I would not get a pet. Having many of terei's experiences with our two dogs. And I don't need anything else to care for.

Ed1937

If you were to get a pet, that would be something else for you to get used to. They can be calming, but they can also be troublesome. I would carefully weigh the pros and cons.

Denise1847

I would not get a pet because of the above comments and it will be something else that you will need to take care of. Please don't put more on yourself.

I have the same issues with my DH who refuses to participate in any activity in our home other than sitting on the porch watching the wildlife and watching TV. Maybe it gives them peace just to not be challenged with things to do.

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Iris L.

Definitely do not bring a defenseless animal into a situation to be abused or neglected! Perhaps you can tell I feel strongly about this. There are robotic pets, some are interactive. Read on the internet about failure-free activities for PWDs. Try a fidget-apron.

Iris

Pat6177

Only get a cat if YOU really want a cat. And if you’ve never had one before, then you may find that you don’t enjoy the responsibilities that come along with an indoor cat (especially cleaning the litter box). And you have no idea how your DH will respond to the cat if he’s never had a cat before. We recently had to euthanize our very loved 18 yr old cat. We got another cat within a month. But that was because I can’t imagine life without a cat. I have had a cat almost continuously since I graduated from college and moved out on my own. It’s not going smoothly but that’s ok. I’ll figure it out because I can’t imagine life without a cat. Maybe you and/or your DH can watch cat videos - and dog videos for that matter. They are quite entertaining. Just do a search on YouTube and you’ll find a million! And baby elephant videos are another great option.

annie51

Thank you all for your comments...I think I just needed convincing. There are some things you brought up that I didn't think of. And I thought of another one...risk of letting the cat out. So at some point I may go with a robotic cat - even for me! The cat/dog videos is a great idea too.

I love this forum for so many reasons.

mommafour

We already had a cat and 2 dogs for the past few years before DH started to decline to the point he cannot help care for them. On one hand, these pets are a great distraction for me and I enjoy having them around. My cat is a calming presence for me and I refer to her as my "therapy cat". But on the other hand, DH has accidentally "lost" each of these pets while I was at work over the past couple of years. My older schnauzer ended up with Animal Control because DH left the back yard gate open (I keep a padlock on it now) and we paid a fine to get him back. Last year, he accidentally let my younger schnauzer out of the front door while I was at work. He was found over 1 mile away laying in the shade of someone's front yard after a 7 hr. search in 90+ degree temps. Lucky to be alive. Then he accidentally shut my indoor cat in the garage, where she hid for 3 days w/out food or water (luckily also found just in time). Its always a worry it will happen again, although I have taken steps to ensure they are quickly found. Another consideration is that we used to share in pet care but its now ALL on me every day, including early mornings before going to work. If these pets weren't already part of our family, I would not be getting one at this time.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/profile/Victoria2020 Victoria, I love your description of "cruise director" as I was in that role for awhile with DH and found it extremely daunting. I learned after awhile that I couldn't fix it.

Iris L.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/178798#Comment_178798

These are the types of stories that I'm thinking about when I advise, "no new pets!" Why add to the stress level?

Iris

mommafour

Iris - I totally agree with you. Although I love our pets, it does add to the stress and worry about DH's current status.

Howaboutnow

My dog saves me everyday…she gives me companionship, levity, humor, love and an empathetic ear through this slog😊 (We have 2 cats too-which my LO enjoys interacting with). A cat would be immeasurably easier than a dog of course, but yes, all the concerns mentioned are absolutely valid.

If you desire companionship (and think your DH would benefit), think it through and have a strategy in place i.e. hide cat food so you have control over feeding, child door latches so he can’t open the exterior doors and let cat out, etc. For me, i cant imagine doing this without the company of my dear pets…but if i didn’t already have them in my life I would be hesitant to add more to the workload.

Howaboutnow

PS Victoria2020,,,,I too felt (still do a bit) like i had to constantly try to instigate interest in something -anything-for my DH. Fact is, that capacity within him is gone. I can wear myself out trying to be the best Cruise Director, but fact is it is futile. Hard to accept, but accepting it can be a bit of a relief too.

tigersmom

I'm with howaboutnow on this one. The last of our two senior cats suddenly stopped eating a month after DH was diagnosed, and died two weeks later. My grief was immeasurable. I have lived with cats since I was 21 years old, and to me a house is not a home without one, or preferably two. So five weeks later, we went to the city shelter and brought home another pair of unrelated seniors. They were both hard-luck stories -- the five-year-old's person had died, and he was brought to the shelter by the police. The eight-year-old, they thought, had a tumor in his stomach, but he was so charming and engaging we took him home anyway. It took five months to get everyone properly introduced, but hey, I was home all the time anyway, and I had done it before with our prior pair. Almost two years later, they are the light of our lives. The five-year-old is the calmest, chillest, cat I have ever had. Some days I think he is the Buddha. The eight-year-old one did not have a tumor, as it turned out, but he does have a bit of an attitude, which I learned is common to orange cats. (Does it tell you anything that his nickname is Chucky?) His saving grace is that he adores my husband, and the feeling is mutual. From the day we brought him home, he bonded with DH. He crawls into his arms every night to sleep. Feeding is not an issue here; I do that, along with everything else. DH helps refill the water bowls, which makes him feel useful. And my big five-year-old adores me. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

So I say if you want a cat, get one. Not two, like I did, because it's more complicated. But only do it if you can truly commit to it. Our shelter, like many in the country, is so overfilled that they are no longer accepting surrenders. Life is tough for everybody, us and them. But our two cats are quite honestly the best thing in my life right now, and I think DH feels the same.

Aarron

My DH loves and lives for our 3 lb. Chihuahua. He pets her all day and watches wherever she goes. She also sleeps close to him all night giving him comfort. He’s only 65 and has no other interest in his life besides walking and looking at the tv. He did puzzles for 4 years but that ended a year ago. I get exhausted trying to find him interests but his dog makes him so happy. We adopted her two years ago and that’s one of the best things I did.

Howaboutnow

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/178899#Comment_178899

i’m glad you have the comfort of kitties still ❤️ I too grew up with cats and adore them, even love their independence which can turn into immediate need for attention LOL. As our worlds are made smaller throughout this process, my pets remind me that everything isn’t so “heavy”…that there is light even in the midst of this.

suddenly sleepy

I have almost never been without multiple pets. Currently 3 dogs and a cat. My DH would not live or be happy without our pets. However, I do it all. I don’t mind, they keep me-walking and great support. Not everyone is a Dog or Cat person. Bringing in a new pet is stressful, but things even out. Just do a lot of research, get your house prepared for a pet and only do it if you want the pet.