Thinking I’m doing good , but not!

JC5

DH is always asking to go out to eat. Problem is it’s way to expensive and he orders drinks like he was still in his 20’s! He shouldn’t drink and I keep making excuses not to go. So I have the grandkids today and figure we can go for lunch and DH would be happy. Well what a disaster! I told him they don’t have alcohol and the first thing he asks for is a beer! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I try to give the waiter the no sign but not working. DH proceeds to reprimand the 3=year old for not sitting properly, gets upset because he is not sitting where he wants to, encouraging all 3 to taste his beer ( which I adamantly stopped) constantly pokes the kids with his cane saying he’s kidding and the kids get upset . What I thought would be a fun afternoon for everyone turned out terribly! The youngest said he doesn’t want to come over anymore and the others say they don’t like grandpa! Breaks my heart. Don’t know what to do.

Denise1847

If this is out of character for your DH, I would talk to the doctor about medication.

Ed1937

JC, I'm sorry. I know it's hard.

Iris L.

Try a picnic in a nearby park or the back yard with finger foods. Make things easy on yourself.

Iris

Paris20

There came a point when I just stopped going anywhere with my husband. At supermarkets he filled our cart with candy and cookies and fussed like a toddler when I put the sweets back on the shelves. In restaurants he invariably needed to go to the bathroom and would wander off in search of the Men’s Room, or would insist that he never ordered what was served. It was just too much of a hassle to go out. I suggest fiblets, little lies that stop the problem for the moment. You can say that you’re expecting an important phone call or that someone may be coming over or that you have a package coming and must sign for it. In a short time DH will forget what you said but you have a chance to stay put.

Davegrant

JC5, I am sorry this happened and that your grandchildren were present. I would have a meeting with the grandchildren and their parents without your husband and discuss this disease with them. I would also look at the alcohol consumption. I know that going anywhere with my wife has become an increasing problem. Her thoughts are spoken out loud and she seems to have lost the ability to select what she says. Grocery shopping is very frustrating for me as her main goal is finding candy bars and cookies, I am focused on what she is doing rather than shopping. I started ordering groceries online unless I am just going for milk at the gas station. Family gatherings and reunions have not gone well this summer. Her eating habits are less than you would expect as she constantly complains out loud about the food and eats little of it. I could take some home but it a pile of partially eaten food. It appears to me that she is getting little value out of the social experience. She does not drink alcohol so that is good, but her loudness brings the attention to her.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry this happened.

Some PWD don't particularly "like" kids. This is especially true if they have to compete with "their" person/ caregiver for attention. This can result in the PWD being inappropriate or unkind to the children as your husband was. My dad was a bit like this in the earlier stages before he was diagnosed and he, too, tried to frame it as "teasing" or "being funny". I stopped subjecting my much older son to him for the most part. Perhaps you should get a caregiver for DH (if needed) and see the grands without him.

HB

JC5

Tks all for your responses ! They are always helpful!