Dog Died

SweetOleBill

My wife with PD, Alzheimer's, Altered Mental Status, chronic UTIs is currently in rehab for strengthening up before returning home after three nights in local hospital.

I came home today and found that her 13 year old Beagle curled up in the corner of the Family Room and quietly chased his last rabbit.

Do I tell her that Barneys crossed over the rainbow bridge today?

Sandias

SweetOleBill - Ohhh.... I am so sorry about Barney's passing. WIth Alz, it's unpredictable how your wife will take the news that her precious dog has died. You know her mental state the best, so you're the best judge on whether to tell.

How about just wait until she asks, if she asks?

When my mother's brother passed away, we debated whether to tell her. I wasn't sure how she would take it. At the time, she was in her mid stage of Alz. Her sister broke the news to her that their brother died. My mother cried and cried for several days. Normal grieving in my opinion. After that, she was ok. She understood and remembered that he died, but didn't cry anymore. As I said, you know your wife best.

Good luck with your wife's rehab. Hope she will regain her strength. I'd like to know what you decide to do about the news.

ButterflyWings

Hi and sorry for everything you and your DW are going through. We get it. I would say silence is golden here. I agree you are not hurting anything or anyone to wait a while. I'd even suggest some fiblet about where precious pooch is, for a while. Whatever lets her not worry, and just continue recovering from hospital and rehab for now.

When my DH's younger sibling died in mid-stages for my LO, he was forgetting a lot, and I did not want to risk his experiencing the grief over and over, each time he may have to be reminded that his sib died. As big brother, he always felt responsible, but there was no reason to put him through any of those emotions except maybe tradition...? We want to announce the change, but maybe just wait for now and in the meantime think up an acceptable answer that might comfort your LO like, she's at the vet for grooming or bath, or a little doggie vacation while mom was getting better, etc. You can always share more later if really necessary.

Howaboutnow

I agree with others, i think i would wait and see what her reaction is to Barney’s absence and have a couple explanations at the ready. We don’t want to deliver grief if we don’t have to. For me, these decisions usually happen in the moment depending on my LO’s behavior/mood at the time. I find myself even answering the same repeated question several different ways depending on the circumstances at the time. Sometimes it’s a fillet, sometimes it’s is gentle truth. I don’t always choose the best in retrospect.

We know our LO best, we know how cognizant they are of reality. I try to decide if a fiblet will cause suspicion and thus more distress OR if a fiblet will be a soft compassionate way to ease both of us away from the source of concern. It’s a game-day decision 😏

I’m sorry for your loss, and her’s.

toolbeltexpert

@SweetOleBill sorry it's hard to lose a family pet. I vote do not mention it. If you have any pictures you might remove them they may become a trigger. That is what I did when our momma cat came up missing. Only a time or 2 did she mention it. I had taken a lot of pictures on my phone so I would say I saw her this morning and pulled out a general picture. That worked for me anyway. You'll find what works for you.

Stewart