absolutely lost it yesterday

M1

Was so happy to go see my partner after not going Monday and Tuesday. But it was a disaster. I should have known better--I have been sick with grandkid crud since the first of June (can't shake it and yes, I've been to the doctor), and have a new herniated disc in my back that is killing me, waiting on getting approval for an epidural. So felt lousy, but wanted to go--and she was just a complete jackass. New physical therapist came in and she was really ugly to him (I think angry that he interrupted us, though I was glad to see him, wanted to assess her recent falls which she has now completely forgotten). Then wouldn't eat lunch because she didn't like the selections. I just lost it and left. She knew she had upset me, but immediately didn't remember why (didn't remember the therapist visit by the time we got up from the lunch table). Bad, bad day. There are days when I wish she could just be a bit more cooperative, she shoots herself in the foot. But it's spitting in the wind. Most of the time I can roll with it, but not yesterday.

White Crane

M1, I know what you mean. Most of the time I can roll with it too, but not yesterday. I’m sorry this happened. I hope today is better for you. And I pray you can get that epidural soon.

Denise1847

Dear M1,

I am so sorry you have been feeling poorly and are in pain. You are only human and we only have so much bandwidth before we snap. We have all been there and we will all be there again. I find that this disease also attacks the caregiver in subtle ways slowly causing more and more emotional, mental and physical upset. I live in chronic pain and sometimes it can provoke anger no matter what the circumstance.

I pray you heal and get your epidural very soon.

ghphotog

It happens! Don't beat yourself up. Being sick and having back pain at the same time would make anyone short supplied in the nerves department.

toolbeltexpert

M1 go easy on yourself. Like you said she won't remember any of it. Take another day to recoup and it will be all new again.

Go get yourself a lobster roll if you can find any in Tennessee. I am ready for woods again.

I don't know why I have been hearing so many folks with lots of back pain it just seems like a lot more. I wonder if it's because of increased activity because it's summer or maybe dehydrated? Hope you get some relief back pain is just terrible.

Ed1937

Sorry about your disc. That really sucks. And the fact that she was less than desirable to be around. I'd be surprised if you didn't lose it on occasion. It's no fun to be around people who are difficult, and when you're dealing with physical pain, well that just makes it worse. I hope you can get relief soon.

Quilting brings calm

We don’t do this in a vacuum. We have to deal with all the other life inconveniences, aggravations, tragedies, etc too. There are going to be days when all of that and our loved one’s affect on us is just too much. That’s what happened to you. It sounds like she was also having a bad day. When two people having a bad day end up in the same space, frustrations usually overload. Please don’t beat yourself up. She most likely forgot an hour later just like she did about the therapist.

Jo C.

It was a bad day! Sometimes, enough is enough and we have to give ourselves some space. She has already forgotten the visit by now. I can only imagine the frustration.

I am sorry about your back; that can be really miserable. May the authorization for injection come very soon and that you find good relief.

Take good care and focus on yourself, we will be thinking of you.

J.

Dio

M1, so sorry you're going through this. My heart goes out to you. I'm not having a good time either. Placement definitely isn't the end of our troubles. I often wonder whether to visit or not. Who is the visit benefitting? I have no answer. But I do know that we caregivers/advocates need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Hope your pain will go away real soon!

Gig Harbor

M1 I am sorry that she is unable to respond nicely to you. Can you cut your visits back to once a week? There is no reason for you to feel bad every time you visit. You have done well by her. You have her in a facility where she is well cared for and you know she is safe. At this time in her journey your visits trigger a side of her that no one likes and maybe at some level she doesn’t like it either. I visit my husband once a week because he honestly doesn’t react to me any differently than the other caregivers. I have divided my life into two compartments and I am OK with that. I make sure that he has everything he needs but I can’t provide anything that he would enjoy. He simply likes to sit and play with something in his hand or with the toy cat or doze. He is lost in his world and I have been able to create a new world for myself. Not what I wanted for retirement but I refuse to let this disease take two of us. I hope you can get your back taken care of so you can enjoy the rest of the summer and fall.

Beachfan

Sorry, M1, but I laughed out loud when I read that your LO was acting like a complete jackass. That is one of my go to phrases when I’m fighting with my grandkids. Now I am wondering what a complete jackass acts like (as opposed to a partial jackass) and where that phrase originated. It just struck me funny. It’s after midnight and I’m still chuckling.

I don’t have any suggestions; but Gig Harbor makes some good points. You can only do what you can do within reason; you have looked out for your DW in spades. You really need to care for yourself. I hope you feel better soon and your DW better appreciates you and your visits.

M1

beachfan, thank you for seeing the humor. She is from Texas originally and my language got a lot, lot more colorful after we got together. There are tons more, and I don't even realize them any more....Gig, the thing about visiting once a week: she is still cognizant enough that she does react differently to me that to others, and she seems to want me there. I think Wednesday was an aberration, we'll see. The other difficult thing is that she fights the aides about helping her shower, or cleaning her room--she's very willing to let me help, but resents the others. Hopefully that will actually improve as she progresses (time will tell), but for right now it helps for me to go in and get her to do these things. Going in today---she hasn't had a shower since Wednesday last week, and I'll change her sheets, too. We've got ongoing meetings about handling these things, so I don't feel put upon in that sense, but it's too soon to cut the visits back I think. If she continues to misbehave, that may be another story.

Caro_Lynne

M1, here's hoping today goes better! Good luck.

M1

Thanks CL, it did indeed go better. She objected some to the shower, but we got through it. Clean clothes and skin has got to feel better. Of course she had no memory of Wednesday's meltdown and no memory of our friends visiting yesterday. Didn't know them by name even when I mentioned them.

Ed1937

I'm really glad things took a turn for the better. Any word on getting the epidural?

ButterflyWings

M1 - you deserve a break! I hope you get the pain relief and adjustment that is needed. Herniated disc and also driving the distance and visiting...you are a saint and please be careful and take care of yourself. I too wonder what a total and complete ass is, having met a few lately especially. (i.e., my litigious steps and in laws).

OT, but Is the guy still barking? You must indeed be a sight for sore eyes with that kind of thing happening, but being the focus of all that is good (or bad) at any time...well that is just a lot to place of your shoulders. I am so glad you can visit now, but it still is such a stress test I can only imagine. Hoping there may be a light at the end of this tunnel that is not a train. Dementia sucks. Royally.

M1

Called this morning and begged a little, so epidural Monday, thank goodness. Fingers crossed. My poor garden is never gonna get weeded..im just telling the neighbors im growing weeds professionally this year. Just another thing to let go...

Ed1937

I'm glad they have it lined up, but that's another 2 or 3 days in pain. Hopefully that will work quickly for you.

Denise1847

So glad you are going to get relief. If the pain feels like burning, try cold packs. It is the only thing that works for me.

White Crane

M1, I’m so glad you’re going to get the epidural on Monday! Praying you make it through the weekend ok. Sending hugs.

Rocky2

M1, I'm so pleased that you had a better day. The idea of being a professional weed grower brought a smile to my face...thanks for that! I'm praying for back pain relief for you and a lift for your spirit.

Tom

CindyBum

M1...so happy you'll be getting the epidural you desperately need. Back pain is awful and the stress of what we're all living through only adds to it, I'm sure.

I'm pretty new on my journey with my SO, so I marvel, truly marvel, at what folks like you who are farther along the path face and still somehow get up the next morning and even have a little humor. You've given me a few goals to shoot for personally.

toolbeltexpert

M1 good hear about your epidural on Monday. I kept my tiller when I moved but it hasn't hit the ground and if it does it will be for a row of sunflowers. Rain rain mowed 2 times this week lots like you all got lots