Bad day followed by bad night

White Crane

Maybe bad isn't the right word but that's the one that comes to me right now. I am so tired from lack of sleep. Yesterday I had lunch out with a group of women from our church. We have been doing this twice a month for years and DH has never liked it. Yesterday was especially bad. Even after the caregiver came he was still unhappy and upset that I was leaving and that I hadn't eaten lunch with him. When I got home, he continued letting me know he wasn't happy. I won't go into all the ugly details but suffice to say he was agitated and confused and angry all at the same time. This went on into the evening and even through supper and beyond. At one point I lost it and said some not very nice things. He said he was sorry but still didn't let up about me going out to lunch and not eating with him. Even while watching a movie after dinner he kept bringing it up until I was about to scream! I gave him his evening pills but it continued until bedtime. In bed he continued to talk nonstop and toss around for a long time. Just as I was finally getting to sleep, he woke me up to ask how old he was. He woke me again at 4:30 this morning wanting sex. He forgets he can't "perform." I finally just went ahead and got up but he kept hollering about how old he was and all the things he can't do anymore. I went downstairs to get away from it. Then I saw his seroquel pill on the counter...he hadn't taken it last night! No wonder he was restless all night. I gave him a Lorazepam to try and calm him down but he is already up and eating breakfast. He's been up since a little after six. I'm exhausted and still have to put on my smiley face and teach my tai chi class later this morning. Praying to have regained some strength by then. If he doesn't calm down after breakfast, I may need to cancel class for today. I can't take many more days and nights like this!

Brenda

CorrieG

Argh, that sounds awful, I have nothing to tell you except I’m so sorry and I feel your pain!

toolbeltexpert

Brenda that really saps all of the reserves we have to deal with a pwd, when it's non stop never ending. I hope your class gives you a chance to recover. When it's med time and I am here I make sure she isn't spitting out any pills. I have found pills in odd places where a resident spits one out.

Ed1937

Sorry you had such a rough time. Hopefully you can go to your class, and kind of let go of what happened. Then maybe you can find a way to get a little rest.

Ed1937

Jeanne C.

It's the worst when they miss a med. Even late meds can throw them off. Sometimes DH will balk at one of his pills (totally random). His bed time pills are 3 different small white tablets so there I am with an online pill checker looking at the markings to see if it's Lexapro or just his BP meds. SMH.

I'm sorry you had such a rough day/night. Hope today is much better.

Jo C.

What a dreadful, perfectly awful day! I am so sorry and can well imagine what you are feeling like today, especially being mega sleep deprived. It appears that perhaps it may be time for more of those "therapeutic fibs." As in; not telling him you are out to lunch with the ladies. Instead, perhaps it is better to tell him you have a doctor's appointment, a dental appointment, etc. In this way, he will not tie it to the persistent highly negative memory of your being out with the church group and electively not eating lunch with him.

And of course; I can also well imagine you will be double checking his taking his meds. Am hoping that your teaching the tai chi class today will release some of those pent up feelings and perhaps; maybe, a small nap might be able to be found later; well . . . . hopefully.

So hoping you do not give up on the lunches; it is a well earned respite pleasure for you even if you do have to fiblet to not have to have his meltdowns later. And . . . upon occasion, perhaps you can bring him home a treat like a cookie or sweet after having been to the "doctor or dentist."

Sending a soft hug and warmest of thoughts your way,

J.

nannyritch

So sorry. It’s sounds like my day yesterday. Know you our not alone. At least you get away. I’m here 24/7. He is so much worse if I try to get away. Hanging on. And taking it day at a time.

M1

Sorry you had a bad day too, Brenda. It's so exhausting...May your day be better today, too. I need some tai chi myself....

Jgirl57

Sorry White Crane, it is so hard to have time to yourself when it’s met with stress. I have someone stay with my HWD 2x a month for a few hours. I get scowls and he is better if I tell him I am going to the doctors, library, hair cut; anything that’s not “social”. If I am meeting someone for lunch I just tell him something different. That night when he is still scowling I read a book. I hope you have a better day /night. This is really hard

SDianeL

I feel your pain. My DH has been angry & agitated the last week. At least he's sleeping OK. When I took him in the car to run an errand this week, he talked constantly without taking a breath, and it made me so nervous driving. I asked him to please be quiet and that made it worse. His OCD kicked in this week and he's been rearranging things over and over in every cabinet and then can't understand when we can't find something. Have 2 weeks until an appointment to get him on more meds. 🙏

ButterflyWings

Oh man that was truly a handful! I don't blame you for losing it. I yelled at DH a couple of days ago as he was over the top non-compliant all of a sudden and swatted/wasted some medicine that he needs, in order to breathe (grrr). I felt so bad afterward about losing it with him even briefly, of course. Even knowing he forgot about the whole thing a few minutes later. Then, I was reminded that it was a full moon. That really does impact our LOs, I've learned. --

Did someone say we will have two full moons this month? The Blue Moon also...? Let's hope things don't go off the rails again. That takes a lot out of caregivers, I know. Don't beat yourself up, and I do hope you get some much-needed rest. That sleep factor is either a deal breaker or a game changer, we know.

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Just Bill

Taking care of my wife has gone from visiting a sick friend to babysitting a learning disabled hyperactive toddler. Absolutely exhausting. This is a nightmare that just keeps going.

White Crane

Butterfly wings, thanks for the reminder about the full moon. Victoria , thank you for the chuckle! It has, indeed been a bumpy ride!

White Crane

Update: DH spent Thursday afternoon and most of the night hallucinating . That was very unnerving!! He fell out of bed once during the night and needed to use the bathroom. I called his PCP Friday morning but he only sees patients during the mornings on Friday and they couldn't get DH in...and they said he couldn't see any of the other Dr.s in the practice. Next I called his neurologist's office. It turns out none of the neurologists are in on Fridays. I went ahead and made an appointment for Monday with his PCP. DH got up late yesterday morning and was back to baseline! I have no idea what happened that put him over the edge most of the week or why he is back to baseline now but I am thanking God for it. Thank you all for your concerns and replies. You are helping me to hang in.

ImMaggieMae

Brenda, I’m so sorry you’re having all these problems this week. Maybe it is the full moon! We’ve had a rough week too. My DH had a UTI and after several days on an antibiotic, it wasn’t going away, so had to change meds. This one seems to be working. This is day 4. He has also had a couple bouts of bowel incontinence on and off over the past week. He’s cooperative about letting me clean him up, but it’s such a mess. I hope he isn’t getting C-Diff from the antibiotics. I feel so bad for him. Luckily his meds keep him asleep all night.