Sorry if I offend anyone!

JC5

Arranged for DH to go on boat with my wonderful son in law and grandchild. SiL idea! DH had a great day and then went to Firehouse about 4. Said he would BBQ pork roast I marinated. I was so excited to not cook dinner! Well 7:15 rolls around and I call him he comes home says he’s to tired to bbq so I once again cook then I say let’s eat on the deck and wham! He’s yelling saying he’s always wrong why are you fu—- crying! Dinner in the garbage! Really?

Ed1937

Oh wow! What a letdown. I'm sorry.

JC5

Tks Ed guess we never know what to expect!

M1

Jc5, im so sorry. Incidents like this are part of what makes you realize that you have already lost your spouse. The sad truth is that you can't have any expectations of "normal" behavior any more. It's a bitter lesson, and it changes your relationship.

Pat6177

I hate those experiences because I often fall into the “what about me” woes. Because of the dementia disease, they get a free pass on treating us poorly and we have to figure out a way to pretend it didn’t happen and act as if all is well. Grrrr! But I learn and I recognize and accept his limitations better so that the “what about me” woes aren’t as bad as they were earlier on. I recognize where I’m at and am better able to accept that it is the dementia. And when I’m feeling hurt and/or impatient, it’s my red flag that he has progressed and I’m avoiding realizing it. This whole process really feeds the loneliness. My DH is more advanced than yours. The ironic part of it all is that now, he is often offering to help. Now when he can no longer do many things. I so often want to snap, “where were you 20 yrs ago?”.

gampiano

Hello,

Boy, doesn't this just describe the untenable situation we are all in? Recently i had a telehealth appointment with a social worker and she asked me to describe a typical day . I had to really contain my sarcastic tendencies, believe me. As WE KNOW, the day can turn into a catastrophe at any moment!

We are all in a state of "high alert" even if we are feeling relaxed at the moment.

The only times i can truly de compress occur when i'm away from home with a caregiver in charge, and I wish I could afford to have her come more often.

After going through the various food scenarios here, I finally signed up for Meals On Wheels. At least one of us will have an acceptable dinner, and no mess to clean up in the kitchen.

I am so sorry that your day was ruined, there are no words to convey these circumstances to people who have not experienced this themselves.

Maureen

Davegrant

One never knows what the day will hold. My DW awoke from a nap on Tuesday this week about 11:00 am and said she couldn't walk or stand on her feet as the pain was too great. They looked swollen. I helped her to the couch and examined her feet. I decided to call the nurse advocate and put on the speaker phone. After a discussion with the three of us, it was decided to go to urgent care at the local hospital. I parked at the entrance and equipped my 86-year-old wife with a walker I had purchased when I had a hip replacement a couple of years ago. She picked up the walker and ran through the auto door opening and said to the waiting nurses "anyone want to race "? The nurses got a good laugh, and we spent the next three hours in urgent care to find that there was no infection in her feet, and they were probably swollen from the previous high humidity day we spend outside mowing and cleaning the yard. I was pleased that her feet were fine, and this was not our first visit to the emergency room the last six years. The memory issues cause her to not remember that pain from one moment to the next. The other issues were stomach acid which is more time in the emergency room (6-8 hours) as the pain radiates up toward the heart. When we return home and I try to salvage the day, she has no memory that we even left the house.

Dave

Frankie6300

I am new here. My DH was diagnosed with mild cognitive decline about 2 years ago. The neurologist, when we see him, just says "Well, you're worse, see you in six months!" DH is definitely getting worse. Last night, we were on the second floor of our house and he asked, "What's the best way to get downstairs?" Last weekend we were babysitting at our son's house and I was having trouble with the television and DH said, "Why don't I just go down to the front desk and ask if they have any instructions." Honestly, sometimes I want to laugh at the things he says but then I remember why he is saying them and then I want to cry. I am so scared about the future.... DH knows his situation (95% of the time) and he insists he will support whatever decisions I have to make (e.g., moving to a memory care facility) but I am pretty sure that when that time comes he will be combative and it will be a mess. Sorry to vent here.

SDianeL

So sorry about your day. It's not him, it's the disease. My DH constantly says "why am I always wrong" and "don't tell me what to do" and yells or rants and raves all day. When we go somewhere in the car, he is a chatterbox to the point that I can't concentrate on driving. Every single day is a struggle. We understand your pain & disappointment. I've learned not to have expectations so I'm not disappointed. Sad.