Omg. Help. I’ve lied to my dad about why he had to go to AL and that’s the 1 thing he remembers

bjohnsen3869

After reading several discussions on this forum, I decided to tell my dad that he had to move in to AL because we were going on a trip. The facility asked me not to visit for 5 days so I thought I could come in 5 days and say I’m back and just continue visiting daily. However, tomorrow is the day I’m going to visit. The staff has informed me that he is telling everyone he will be leaving when I get back from my trip.

what now? I’m a terrible liar in the first place but when I tried the approach to AL as a safer place for him because he needed extra help, he insisted he was fine and that he did not need help and that he was fine. So I lied. I need some suggestions. I don’t want him to feel like I’m leaving him there because he has done something wrong or because I don’t want him with me.

mommyandme (m&m)

Maybe you shouldn’t go this soon. Maybe call and say your trip has been delayed/extended. Maybe when you do visit or call there’s a new issue such as a flood in the home. More fiblets may be needed. Validation of his feelings and reassurance that you’re not abandoning him and that you love him may help in many situations. I’m very sorry.

Quilting brings calm

Yes- delay going to visit. Give him more time to acclimate to his current environment. Then there’s repairs, remodeling,etc. if the AL provides physical or occupational therapy, see if you can get him qualified for some sessions. After that, well he needs to wait for doctor approval and so forth. And there‘s always the ‘ my doctor said I needed absolute quiet at home for a while because I’ve been so stressed out. You’d get bored ‘.

terei

There are many people who just tell LO that ‘the doctor says you have to stay until your ‘whatever’ is improved’. I feel for you, dad, but the Dr knows best. I’ll keep checking with him.’

I agree that you should have another excuse about delaying your visit. You are still in wherever because your flight was cancelled + all the seats are booked. You will get there as soon as you possibly can. Say anything your want to IMO.

There are all kinds of emergencies that you can come up with.

bjohnsen3869

Again, you guys don’t disappoint. I’m delaying my visit until Monday. And all of those ideas are great. I like the one about my doctor says I need quiet for my health. He still seems to be very aware when I’m not feeling well. When he was still living with me and I was trying to move his stuff in and set up his room I had a friend watch him for the day and it stressed me so much that my blood pressure shot right up. I didn’t feel well and he could tell. I told him my blood pressure was up.

MN Chickadee

Your father is unlikely to be better adjusted by Monday either. This is a process that takes months, not days. I had to stay away for 8 weeks because every time I visited it set mom back to zero on her adjustment. If you do decide to visit next week you will need to be ready for him to try to leave with you. You may find you need to excuse yourself to the bathroom and then just leave. Have staff tell him you had to step out for a time and re-direct and distract him. I personally would stay away a bit longer; your trip was extended, then you catch a flu on the trip and don't want to spread it to the facility. Hopefully in that time he forgets the finer details and you can pivot to the doctor wants you to stay here a while longer for that bad hip or your blood pressure or to get stronger.