How to deal with all the phone calls

tstorm

I moved my dad into AL about 6 weeks ago. He's always been very stubborn and was convinced he was totally fine, so the move was really a struggle. We convinced him his house was being fumigated and he needed to stay somewhere else temporarily. The first ~3 weeks were fine, but now he's calling nearly every day asking me to come get him and take him home. His idea of what's going on changes each time, whether he thinks the house was fumigated, or it was renovated and now it's bigger, or he can go home now because he's stronger. But all the phone calls give me a lot of anxiety, and trying to figure out the right fib and diversion for each new thing he thinks is going on. So I often don't answer. But if I try to call him, he doesn't answer (he barely knows how to answer the phone). How do others deal with this?

Emily 123

tstorm, It's ok not to answer. It's just the guilt that stinks.

He's probably forgetting that he's done so right after he calls. Maybe it's time to take away the phone? It took my mom 6 weeks to settle in and about 3 months to get a firm routine where it became 'her' room. I know there have been a bunch of threads about this...try using the little magnifying glass on the upper right in the purple heading to search if anyone has found a good device or solution...

M1

Hi tstorm. It's probably time to lose the phone. I know that's hard to stomach, but that's the solution. Probably out of sight, out of mind. The staff will notify you if there's a problem you need to know about.

Anonymousjpl123

Also my mom goes back and forth with knowing how to use the phone, the remote, any type of tools/utility.

What I will say is that at some point, he will adjust. Others suggest losing the phone: if that feels like too much right now, you can block his calls for periods of time.

the other thing is, as others have said, making sure he’s getting the right care is critical. My mom lives in AL but hers is very much geared toward people with memory issues. So the staff are extremely involved and cognizant of how to deal with stuff as it arises.

Regardless of the level your dad is in, do not hesitate to work with the staff. Keep communication with them open. I am not a born advocate for my mother - the idea of becoming her caretaker was initially worse than 20 root canals - but I have learned to talk to staff and doctors in ways I never thought I would.

See if you can distract him. Do you visit? Maybe bring him stuff he will like. For my mom it was a ridiculously expensive brand of groceries. It really cheered her and gave her a sense of familiarity. That where she was wasn’t so bad.

I hope this helps. You are not alone.

AmandaGdnr

I can definitely relate. We recently had to take my mom's cell phone because she was being scammed. She'd given out all their banking info, her driver's license, gave them access to her social security account ... all sorts of issues. She can't even remember my name most of the time but she still manages to remember that cell phone. I just hang up ....I try telling her we aren't discussing this but if it doesn't work I just hang up. It eats me up but later when she calls she is off on something else. I just try to distract her as much as possible when I'm on the phone or pretend I didn't hear her and start talking about something else. I know it's not the same situation but hopefully it'll help you some.