One door closes another one opens.

Just Bill

For the last year I have been taking my wife to work with me. She stayed in the office occupying herself with coloring books, computer games, rubiks cube, pencil and paper and whatever else she wanted. About a month ago she started getting really hyper, cannot sit still pacing all over the house compulsively gathering and piling everything and anything everywhere and anywhere. At the same time she went full time into an alternate reality. Communication is lost in translation. "Wait here" doesn't register, as soon as I say it she bolts on a wanderabout. She has always been sweet and cooperative, now she is more belligerent and argumentative. The more impaired she gets the more she resents the extra help I need to give her. Anyway all these symptoms ads up to no more bringing her to work. Friday was her last day. She would not stay in the office, kept wandering around the shop. It is a machine shop so huge safety hazard. Her closing scene was a toddler like outburst on the way out where I had restrain her arms and take her to the car. Bringing her to work door closes and the looking for a caregiver door opens. I am grieving the last year and put off this step in the process as long as possible. Looking for a caregiver that can get along with my wife sounds easy in theory but I am prepared for an adventure in execution.

M1

Bill it's so hard when a solution fails. At least, i find myself having to rev up the energy to take the needed new steps. I admire your attitude though. I hope you find someone quickly. Keep us posted.

Jgirl57

The weight of this is evident on you. So sorry you and your LO are at this stage and you still have to manage to work. We are both retired but my HWD is at the gathering, piling and hiding stage and it can be exhausting. Stay strong as you interview home caregivers or alternate day locations.

Jo C.

Bill; I am truly sorry; even when we know the possibilities the future can bring, it is still pretty stunning when something like this happens.

Finding excellence in a caregiver can sometimes be a challenge, but an answer will be found; you are very detailed oriented with much common sense and an organized thinker; it will come . I even wondered if your wife may be capable of being comfortable in an adult daycare setting, but it sounds as though she may have passed that opportunity. By the way; has she been checked for one of those "silent" UTIs lately? Sometimes those pop up and make a difference in a downturn in behaviors. Just wondering.

It would be great to know someone who has had a marvelous care aide to recommend and she/he would be available - one can dream. I found getting a good fit was of primary importance. I actually kind of "groomed" the process; I brought the potential candidate (paying her) into the house and introduced her as a new "friend" or "helper," having coffee and cake together a couple of times until I was ready to launch the ship. After a those "coffee" meetings, the next time exited the table to "do some laundry," and left my LO alone with the aide who catered to my LO very nicely. Second full day, I left to go "grocery shopping," and left for about three or four hours. That went well, so then I was free to go off to work again being able to breath. Though there were occasional hiccups, it worked well; the aide was so helpful in a variety of ways. To my amazement, my LO began to bond with the care aide which was a blessing beyond measure.

One surprise I had was to find that many agencies will not permit a client to interview potential aides - zero policy on that. I would not use them; if I had a toddler to be cared for, I sure would be interviewing the care aide; this was to me pretty much like that. That still sounds dreadful to me.

Anyway, I will stop blathering. I send the very best thoughts and good wishes your way and so hope this will be easier than it may seem at this time. Please let us know how you are and how you are doing; we certainly will be thinking of you and your dear wife.

J.

Ed1937

"has she been checked for one of those "silent" UTIs lately? " That's probably a longshot, but the payoff is huge if that's the problem. I think it might be worth checking for. Wishing you the best.

toolbeltexpert

Bill I have followed your journey and admire your resilience, behaviors come and go, I would second the check for a uti. I just had my dw checked for the second time in as many months. My dw seems to be progessing like your. She can no longer follow most instruction like sit here.

I know you will continue to find new ways to help your dw.

Stewart

Dio

Bill, so sorry for the down turn of events. It's the disease progression. Brace yourself because it will just get worse as the disease takes over. Don't lose heart. It's the hardest thing we've ever had to do, that is, watching our LOs decline. People say it gets easier when you have acceptance. I don't even know what that feels like. I'm just hitting the balls as they're thrown my way. I know you'll stay resilient and deal with difficulties as they arise.

ghphotog

I'm sorry to hear about the issues at work. I also take my wife to work with me 3 days a week. I also take her on photography jobs. Right now she just sits in a chair in my office and mostly nods off. Sometimes she'll pester me about "Is it time to go?" over and over every few minutes. I'm hoping she doesn't become confrontational at work.

I take her to daycare two or three times a week but she absolutely freaks out when we pull up to the daycare. Screams, cries, says she hates me and will never speak to me again but once I get her in the door and they great her with big smiles she checks her emotions and is fine until I pick her up. I hate going through that every time but it gives me a break to play golf, work or rest.

I've kept my wife on cranberry supplements for a year or so and she hasn't seemed to have had a uti since. Sometimes she'll have periods of extremes and I'll get a pee cup and have it checked for a UTI but so far nothing.

I always enjoy your posts and hope things work out with finding a caregiver.

Iris L.

You may need what is called a "nuns cap" or hat urine collector to collect a specimen. You can order it or the lab might supply one.

Iris

SDianeL

So sorry you have to make that decision. It's coming too soon for me. My DH is now in the angry agitated stage. They just prescribed Respiradone low dose at night which helps him sleep but when it wears off in the morning, all hell breaks loose. Have an appointment in 2 weeks to see if there's something else they can give him to calm him. Having a caregiver at home with a patient who is angry and wanders is going to be a huge challenge. What about at night? I would have a tracker put on her in case she wanders off. We hear about that happening a lot on the news. So scary! Have you considered a MC facility?

Sandias

I really admire your open minded and adventurous attitude. It helps to reduce stress because you don't have a fixed expectation which when not met results in disappointment and anger.